#take me out & murder on the dancefloor is such a vibe for these two

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Crowley being his best feminine self and him and reader dancing to Murder On the Dancefloor (by Sophie Ellis-Bextor) is my whole new fucking groove.

[kiwi-bitchez]

You Can Bet On It

Summary: Your roommate drags you out to the club where she beets a tall, blonde, handsome brit. You hand back at the bar and happen to meet his roommate. 

Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: smutttt, a little rough, spanking and light choking, use of vibrator, alcohol consumption

Word Count: 8k (got a little carried away with this one...)

Oh god, what is that horrible squeaking sound?

You are ripped from your trance to realize that the irritating noise was coming from you. Your bad habit of scratching off beer labels when you are nervous was starting to show, as your nail had worn completely through the thin paper, and had been obnoxiously rubbing into the glass.

You had zoned out, letting your eyes land on the ground and drift out of focus, clearing your head for a moment or five. Bars weren’t your favorite place. Scratch that, this kind of bar wasn’t your favorite place. Watered down liquor, slurred speech, thumping music, and people who were drunk enough not to care that they were practically having sex in public.

One of those people being your roommate Madison. You loved her, but god you couldn’t be more different. She is wild, sparkly, loud, fun. You’re…not. Your squeaking had pulled your focus back up to the dancefloor of the club where she was swaying her body back and forth with some tall blonde stranger.

You had to give it to her, she had a way with men at bars. Barely even setting her stuff down before someone buys her a drink, uses a line, offers to dance. This was Madison’s cup of tea, or tequila rather. She loves getting dressed up and going out to the busiest clubs, finding some handsome stranger to whisk her away for a night.

You didn’t judge her, not at all. You actually found yourself jealous of her, wishing you had that kind of confidence. She had tried to help you on many occasions, being your self-proclaimed wing-woman and trying to help you pick up guys at bars, but you could never quite get the hang of the awkward small talk and rushed physical intimacy.

You did, on occasions like this, let her drag you out with her. It kept her off your back about being “antisocial” and a “hermit,” and you liked keeping an eye out for her, making sure no one was trying to take advantage. Not that she couldn’t take care of herself, Madison would snap if anyone tried to pull anything, but a more sober pair of eyes never hurts.

You had managed to grab a seat at the bar, facing outward to observe the bustling crowd. People-watching could sometimes prove to be an interesting way to pass the time, and truthfully you’d rather observe than interact most of the time. A few people had started conversations with you at the bar, and you weren’t a bitch or anything, you just clearly gave off the vibe that you weren’t interested in being bought some fruity cocktail and wooed onto the dancefloor.

Madison had her back pressed against the guy she was dancing with, his hands on her hips. The song was ending, and she made eye contact with you, nodding her head not-so-subtly towards the bathroom, signaling to you that she wanted to talk. Laughing to yourself at how un-smooth, yet totally smooth she managed to be at the same time.

“What’s up girl,” you ask as she pulls you into one of the single stall bathrooms.

“Y/N,” she grabs your shoulders, “he’s BRITISH.”

“Who?” you ask before registering that she was probably talking about that boy she had been grinding on.

“His name is Harrison, and he’s BRITISH, got the accent and everything,” she pressed her back up to the wall, pretending to fan herself off.

“Damn, going international now?” you joke, twiddling with the bottle in your hand.

“So, I need you to check him out, get a vibe, and let me know what you think,” she locks eyes with you, trying to be serious, unable to keep a few giggles from slipping out.

“I saw you two dancing, he’s definitely really good looking,” you tell her. She would always do this, try to make you feel involved, ask your opinion about the guy she was flirting with. She said she always wants your truthful opinion, but she always got the hottest guy at the place no matter where she was, so there wasn’t much for you to tell.

“Ugh, I’m totally gonna fuck him. Should I? I’m going to. I HAVE to. He’s British, and I can’t pass up an opportunity like that,” she was definitely talking to herself at this point.

You turn her towards the mirror, help her fluff her hair, straighten her dress, and give her some words of encouragement.

“You are hot. You are amazing. And you are going to have amazing hot sex with British Harrison,” you chant to her in the mirror, encouraging her to say it back to herself. Not that she needed the encouragement, but these little rituals you had in club bathrooms were always funny and sweet, it was one of the reasons you didn’t mind going out with her. You appreciated that she liked having your opinion, having someone she trusted around.

“Go get ‘em tiger,” you give her butt a tap as she exits the bathroom and shuffles back out onto the dancefloor, finding her man right where she had left him.

Your seat at the bar had been stolen, but you spotted an empty area over by a wall, somewhere you could comfortably stand and wait until Madison left with her suitor. Deciding to order another drink, something a little stronger than the beer you had been nursing, you make your way over to the bar.

Forearms leaning against the hard surface, you poke your head forward trying to get the bartender’s attention. She walks over, but immediately starts chatting up the guy standing next to you. Typical. If she pushed her boobs up a little bit he would probably leave a fat tip, so you couldn’t blame her.

You shift your eyes over to get a look at the guy next to you as he orders his gin and tonic, all you could see were his toned forearms and a glimpse of his profile. Not bad. You understood why the bartender was so eager to ignore you. She eventually stops fake laughing at his order, because what the fuck is funny about a gin and tonic, and looks your way.

“I’ll just have the same,” you say quickly, wanting to get out of there quickly and claim your spot by the wall.

“Are you copying me, love?” the stranger asks, leaning his bodyweight against the bar in the same position as you, “is that your move? Order the same drink to chat me up?”

“What’s your move, love” you quickly quip back, “being a dick to girls at the bar and hoping they’re into that?”

“You just didn’t strike me as a G and T type of girl, that’s all,” he puts his hands up defensively.

“Hmmm I see, be a dick and then tell me what kind of girl I seem like.”

You finally turn to him, allowing yourself to make eye contact. You hoped that he wasn’t taking your banter the wrong way, you weren’t trying to be nasty, you just found yourself in a particular mood.

He opened his mouth to say something back to you, but you cut him off before he could. In the two seconds you had made eye contact, you had realized that the stranger you were having your little back and forth with had an accent. A British accent.

“Are you here with that guy?” you gesture over to Madison on the dancefloor, “tall, blonde, striking blue eyes. English.”

“Harrison? Yeah, he’s my mate. If you’re interested in him you should probably have made your move a while ago, because he seems a bit occupied,” he chuckles.

“Yeah, occupied with my roommate,” you laugh back.

“Ah, I see,” he takes the two drinks from the bartender, handing you yours.

“Is he a good guy?” you ask, not sure why this man would tell you otherwise, “he’s not going to like, tie her up and murder her or anything like that?”

“Harrison? Nah, good guy, decent guy. He might tie her up, but he definitely won’t murder her.”

“Ha ha,” you sarcastically respond, “just looking out for my friend.”

“Why do you ask? You think they’ll go home together?” he asks.

“Oh, most definitely,” you tell him, “she dragged me into the bathroom a minute ago to gush about how she’s about to fuck a British guy.”

“Haz is a bit of a slag, so that won’t be too hard on her part.”

“Yeah, I see they are already well acquainted,” you turn to see Madison’s tongue down his throat. This night may be ending quicker than you had anticipated.

“I’m Tom,” he pulls your attention away from the public displays of affection and back to where he was seated at the bar, an empty seat opening up next to him.

“Y/N,” you stick out the hand that wasn’t holding your drink.

“It’s weird that you shake hands,” he says as he takes your clammy hand into his, his grip tighter than you had expected.

You shrug and take a gulp of your drink, abandoning hope of claiming the spot by the wall and deciding to camp out here with this strange British boy until Madison goes on her merry way.

“So how do you know him,” you nod back to where Harrison and Madison are.

“Oh, Haz is my best mate, we go way, way back,” he leans on his arm again, giving you a good view of his biceps against his black t-shirt, “we live in South London, but we’re here in the States for the summer. Work stuff.”

“Oh, so you two live together?” he nods at your question while sipping his drink, “so we can be sad and lonely at the bar while our hot roommates get it on.”

“Wow, I’ve never been told I’m lousy company before,” his humor met yours, “and I even paid for your drink you copycat.”

“You didn’t,” you give him a stern look but he shrugs back, a mischievous grin creeping across his face.

“Is this your ploy,” you smack the side of his arm, “the two of you find girls at the bar to lure back to your fancy apartment to have a freaky foursome with or something like that?”

“Now who’s being a dick and assuming things,” he says through broken laughs.

“Although,” you draw out your words, “your friend is pretty hot, maybe I’ll just go home with them.”

“Haz most certainly would not be opposed to that,” he jokes back.

You gesture to the bartender to make two more, and to put them on your tab. Tom gives you a look, but you give him one right back.

“Now I don’t owe you anything,” you explain.

“Hey, I’m not like that,” he gets defensive again, “I’m not quite as sleazy as my friend over there.”

“I’m just trying to help you out,” you narrow your eyes, “you’re the one who’s going to have to put up with the two of them all night.” You gesture over towards Madison and Haz.

“Pardon,” he coughs as he downs the rest of his drink, getting ready for the next.

“Oh, you thought they would be going back to our apartment?” you laugh sarcastically, “no, no, absolutely not.”

“Are you being serious? Or are you fucking with me? Cuz I honestly can’t tell.”

“Oh, you’re going to wish I was fucking with you. By the way she’s looking at him, I’m gonna give them, I don’t know, three, four solid rounds,” you try to make an empathetic face but can’t help the grin that creeps onto your face, “and Madison’s a screamer.”

“Too much information, thank you,” Tom covers his ears.

“Hey, I’m just trying to give you a heads up,” you cackle.

“Who’s to say he can’t convince them to go back to yours. I bet it’s closer.”

“She’s good at getting what she wants, and she “doesn’t shit where she eats”,” you make air quotes around the phrase, “in whatever twisted way that means she doesn’t like to bring guys back to our apartment. Weird personal rule, but I don’t question it cuz I always get to sleep peacefully.”

“You wanna bet?” Tom suggests, clearly not having thought this through, “My boy Haz is a smooth talker, and it seems like she really likes him. I say you’re the unfortunate roommate who’s going to have to put up with all that.”

“You’re on,” you set your drink down, extending your hand to him for the second time that night, “what do I get when they go back to your place?”

“If they go back to mine, I’ll cover your tab and leave you alone. And when they go back to yours, you’ll agree to let me take you out sometime,” he shakes your hand with a cocky grin on his face.

“Doesn’t seem like much of a bet, either way you’re buying me a drink.” He was growing on you, the accent, the floppy brown hair, the dimples. You were still wary of meeting strangers at bars, but something about him seemed genuine.

The two of you flipped around in your bar stools and faced the dancefloor. You liked that he never asked you to dance. Most girls would be dying to dance with a guy like Tom, but you liked just sitting at the bar, shooting the shit and sipping your drinks.

“Okay, okay, here they come,” you whisper and jab your elbow into his side.

Madison and Harrison stumble off the dancefloor and make their way to your place at the bar.

“Hey mate,” Harrison slings an arm around Tom’s shoulder.

You tune out their conversation as you notice Madison making a ridiculous face at you, eyes practically bugging out of her head.

“THAT’S his roommate?” she mouths to you, gesturing to Tom. You nod, trying to signal to her to be more subtle.

“Y/n, what the fuck?” she continues to mouth words silently to you.

“What???” you mouth back, trying to not let Tom and Harrison notice this awkward side conversation you were having. Luckily, they were occupied by their own.

“He’s fucking HOT,” She starts to whisper, you scrunch up your face, trying to tell her to stop making a scene about it. She gets the hint, but proceeds to point to you, point to Tom, and then do the finger going in and out of the hole gesture.

You slap her hand down as she starts to laugh, “Jesus Madison, cut it out,” you whisper, “you two are going back to his?” you change the subject.

“Yeah, obviously,” she says a little louder, “sooo, perfect opportunity for you…”

“Chill out, please,” you bring your hand to your temple, knowing she was being anything but subtle and Tom had probably noticed by this point.

“I owe you big time,” Harrison says to Tom as he starts to back away, taking Madison under his arm, “I’m serious bro.”

“Yeah, yeah, be safe you two,” Tom swats the air towards Harrison and turns back towards the bar, burying his head into his hands.

“Ha ha,” you poke his side, “told you that was a bad bet to make.”

“Know any cheap hotels around here?” Tom asks, looking exasperated.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you look at him seriously, “he kicked you out for the whole night?”

“I offered,” Tom sighs, “he would do the same for me.”

“Damn, you’re a good friend. Certainly a better roommate than me,” you turn to him, trying to be sympathetic, “but honestly, you probably didn’t want to be present for any of that anyways.”

Tom gestures towards the bartender with his card, telling her to charge for both your bar tabs.

“You really didn’t have to do that,” you say.

“Hey, a bet is a bet, and now I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”

You grab his arm as he starts to get up. Something inside of you told you to help him out, to not let him leave.

“It’s no Four Seasons, but I may know a place where you could kill a few hours,” you tell him, his eyes wide with excitement that you wanted to spend more time with him.

“You sure? It’s really no trouble…”

“Yeah, I’m sure, it’s only a few blocks from here.”

The two of you exit the loud club, only a few minutes behind Harrison and Madison. The stark contrast of the freezing outside air from the sweaty atmosphere of the club hits you. You take a few steps out onto the city sidewalk. Suddenly your feet buckle out underneath you and you are slipping backwards rapidly.

Tom quickly grabs you, one hand catching your shoulders and the other grabbing your hand, helping steady you. You gasp from the fall, but are grateful that you never hit the pavement.

“Hey, watch out for that patch of ice,” he jokes.

“Thank you,” you were a little flustered, both from falling and from being in his arms.

The two of you continue down the street, his hand still tightly gripping yours. You look at him questioningly, raising an eyebrow.

“Just making sure you don’t slip again, love,” he squeezes your hand a little tighter. You roll your eyes at him but don’t let go.

Typically, you would hate the pet names, “love,” “darling.” That stuff usually made your skin crawl. But there was something about his demeanor, maybe it was the accent, that made you not mind it at all. You actually kind of liked it.

“So where are you taking me?” he asks.

“Secret.”

It actually wasn’t anything worth keeping a secret. You worked at a small bar a few blocks away from the club you had been at. It was very different however. It was small, and never crowded other than a few regulars who would take the same booths and order the same drinks every night. It was down a side street, relatively difficult to find, hence the lack of business.

What you weren’t planning on telling Tom was that this was also the building you lived in. Your apartment was a few floors up. You picked up night and weekend shifts at the small bar to help cover rent, plus it wasn’t a bad place to spend your extra time. You never had to work too hard, and you could read or do homework behind the bar when not tending to customers. Plus, you got the pick the music.

You stomped your feet against the doormat, scraping all the collected snow off your shoes. Tom didn’t seem to be bothered that you had brought him to another bar, he seemed happy even. You watched his face intently as his cheeks grew rosy from the warmth of the indoors. You liked how the tips of his ears turned pink.

“Voila,” you gesture to the generally empty room, “the Four Seasons.”

He smiles at you and offers to take your coat. He makes his way over to the bar, choosing one of many empty seats. His eyebrows knit together as you continue walking away from him, hopping behind the bar.

“I’m not sure you’re allowed…” he starts.

“Hey Ernie,” you yell into the back office. Your boss replies with something muffled that Tom can’t quite make out, “no, not working tonight, just here with a friend,” you respond to him.

“Ah, so we’re friends now?” Tom asks as you start to make two drinks.

“Oh sorry,” you respond sarcastically, “I’m just here with the roommate of the guy who’s fucking my roommate, my bad.”

“No, no,” he brings his hands up, “we can be friends.”

He takes a sip of the drink you’ve handed him, asking you what it is.

“Moscow mule, fresh ginger, extra lime.”

“This is great, I’ve never had one of these.”

“What can I say, I’m kind of a pro,” you lean on the bar across from him, folding your arms on the countertop.

He liked your sense of humor, how you always had a comeback or something snarky to say. He also really liked your casual attitude, how you seemed unphased by everything. Little did he know you were constantly screaming inside, completely unsure of everything you said and did. Completely unsure as to how you ended up making a cocktail for one of the most attractive boys you’ve ever met. You tried to keep your cool though, and so far, it had been working.

You faced one another, sipping your drinks. At first an awkward moment of silence settled around you, exposing that the two of you truly had just met and knew virtually nothing about one another. You quickly slipped into easy conversation. You didn’t talk about the typical important things like where you worked, where you go to school, how you ended up in the city. You didn’t ask him why he was in the states, or any details about his personal life.

The stuff you talked about was far more personal than that. You exchanged theories about the ending of Lost, debated what Ben and Jerry’s flavor is best, shared the local vernacular and slang you used. These are the things that are important. You didn’t care what he did for work. But you did care what his favorite sitcom was.

“Does this place serve food at all?” he asked when your conversation had turned to what shape of pasta goes best with what sauces.

“Nah,” you gesture to the bar, “this is everything, no kitchen.”

“Damn, I could go for something to eat. Any good places around here?”

“Unfortunately, no. Everything near us either closed at midnight or will for sure give you food poisoning.”

He ate the lime out of his drink, sucking on the pulp until nothing but the skin was left.

“Really that hungry huh?” you joke, taking his lime wedge and tossing it in the garbage, “cuz I can cut up as many of those as you’d like, maybe even find you some maraschino cherries.”

“Don’t bother, maybe I’ll just drink myself into an oblivion.”

“Hey, don’t do that,” you were going against your better judgment when you said this, but it just slipped out, “I can get you some food, follow me.”

You walked around from behind the bar and instructed him to follow you. You slipped through a back door into a spiraling staircase. The air was cold and musty, and the stairs were slightly rickety under your feet. This was the fastest way to get up to your apartment, and you realized now it was too late to turn back, he had joined you in the stairwell and you started making your way up.

“You were worried about your roommate getting murdered by Haz, but now I’m starting to think I should be the one worried,” his tone was joking, but you wondered if he actually thought you were crazy.

“Very funny,” you dismissed it as a joke, “I live in this building, smarty pants.”

You raced him up a few flights of stairs until you arrived at your floor. You started down the hall, not looking back to see if he was following. Your breath grew a little shaky as you searched for your key, realizing you were letting this stranger, this hot stranger into your apartment.

You were just going to make him some food, you remind yourself. Maybe if he’s lucky you’ll let him crash on your couch, who knows. You kept telling yourself you had no reason to be this nervous. He’s just a person.

A person with big brown eyes and strong arms. A person who held your hand and laughed at your jokes. A person who willingly followed you to your apartment door from the sketchy bar you brought him to. Oh god, maybe you did have a reason to be nervous.

“It’s a little messy, hope you don’t mind,” you open the door for him, taking off your shoes at the door.

Your apartment was small, but cozy. You and Madison had been living there for almost two years now, and the apartment was well lived in. Funny pictures donned the walls, fuzzy blankets were strewn around the couches, leftovers filled the fridge.

“What’s on the menu?” he asks, reminding you that he’s here for food.

“Hmmm,” you open the pantry, “we have supplies for stir fry, and… stir fry.”

“I think I’ll have the stir fry,” he laughs, comfortably taking a seat at your small kitchen table.

You quickly started gathering ingredients on the counter, preheating the pan.

“Any preferences?” you yell into the next room.

“I’m not picky,” he responds, “thanks again.”

You start chopping up everything in your fridge and toss it into a pan with some leftover rice. It doesn’t take you long to whip up a decent meal, as stir fry was a recurring meal in your life. You glide into the living room, two bowls in hand. He had found your speaker system and taken it upon himself to put on some music, not that you minded.

“Fuck,” he mumbles after a few mouthfuls, “either I’m starving, or you make a mean fried rice.”

“One of my many specialties,” you were glad that he liked it, glad that he seemed so relaxed despite being in a stranger’s home.

“You’re pretty cool, do you know that?” he took you by surprise

“Umm,” you weren’t sure how to respond to the compliment.

“I just haven’t really met anyone nice since moving here. Haz is really the only other person I know,” he says through bites of food, “and meeting random girls at bars isn’t really a decent way to get to know people, not really know them anyways.”

You were flattered that he was being so honest, but part of you wondered if he was buttering you up to try and get into your pants. You had let him pay for your drinks, taken him to a secondary location, and then cooked him dinner at 2 am, he really would have no reason not to believe you wanted to sleep with him. And you did, oh god did you want to sleep with him, but you were still trying to get a read, was he a flirt like this with everyone? Were you just the girl who happened to be in the right seat at the bar at the right time?

This was why you could never follow through with casual bar hookups. Your  mind ran circles around the other person, who they were, where their motivations were coming from. You could never just focus on the fact that you thought he was hot, and you wanted his dick in your mouth.

“Thanks, I guess, you’re kind of cool too,” you avoided eye contact, “but you realize that I am a random girl you met at a bar, right?”

He laughed at your response, finishing his food and taking both of your empty plates into the kitchen. You tried to stop him, but he insisted that you had done the cooking so he would do the dishes, you chose not to argue.

“Yeah but most girls at the bar don’t make me dinner,” he retorts. He had a point, this was kind of an unusual situation you found yourself in. Would this have been easier if you had met him a different way? Rubbed up on him like Madison and Harrison and scurried off to the closest bed? Probably. They were probably already at least two rounds in by now.

“I’ve never taken someone home from the bar before,” oh god, why did you just say that. Why were you being vulnerable and honest, tell him you’re a pro, that you do this all the time.

“Really? I’m surprised,” his tone was nonchalant, so maybe your awkward outburst of truth hadn’t shaken him like you thought it would, “why not?”

“Why not?” you repeat his question to yourself, “I’m just not really good at this kind of stuff, not like you.”

“Are you kidding me?” He turns from the sink to see you leaning against the counter across from him, “You were the one who wined and dined me.”

“I hardly consider stir fry and a vodka mixer to be wining and dining,” you tried to cover up your embarrassment.

“Jeez, then I’d like to experience whatever you consider to be wining and dining, cuz I’m having a great time.”

“What’s your last name?” you ask quickly, suddenly changing the subject

“Holland,” he tells you, “why?”

“I just figured I should know your full name, Tom Holland, if I’m gonna let you sleep in my apartment. You know, in case I have to report you to the police cuz you’ve robbed me or murdered my cat or something.”

“No offense but it doesn’t really look like you have anything worth stealing, and I’m pretty sure you don’t have a cat,” he laughs

“Both true,” you were laughing too. Still in the kitchen, you weren’t sure how to migrate somewhere else.

“You’re sure though? I don’t want to impose. I really can just go find a cheap motel, or go back to my place and crash the orgy that’s probably happening,” he didn’t want to stay if you weren’t comfortable.

“No worries,” you start moving to the living room, “you can make it up to me some other time. I promise you don’t want to be going back to whatever noises are happening in your apartment right now.”

You truly would have been content with him sleeping on the couch, slipping out the next morning, and never speaking again. Well, no. That wasn’t true. You wouldn’t be content, but you’d live with it. You didn’t want to assume anything, didn’t want to make a fool of yourself.

“So,” you start, obviously about to make a fool of yourself, “I can get you some blankets, and you can sleep out here. Or, if you want, we can share my bed. It’s up to you and I won’t be offended either way, I swear.”

Why did you always say things that made you feel so stupid. You winced at your own statement, not wanting to see his reaction. He took a few steps towards you, standing close, but not as close as you would have liked. You continue to look away, waiting for him to say something.

Eyes down on the carpet, you feel his hand grab your chin softly, angling your head up to meet his.

“And when we share your bed,” the breath of his words hitting your face, “are we just going to sleep, or are we...” Although his voice was cool and confident, he was genuinely asking. He had a hard time reading you, and wasn’t sure if you wanted him as badly as he wanted you, or if you were just being nice.

“The second one, definitely the second one,” you reply a little too quickly before he pulls your face to his, lips finally meeting.

His face was warm, and he smiled into the kiss, loving the way your round lips felt on his. He let his hands move to the sides of your face, cradling your jaw as his mouth moved against you. You pulled him closer to you by the grip you had on his t-shirt, the white fabric balled up in your nervous grip. You pulled him backwards with you, navigating your way down the hall.

Taking an intermission on the minute walk down to your bedroom, he presses you up against the wall of the hallway, shoulders angled above yours and mouth still hot against you. You reach your hands towards his, wanting to show him that he had control, that you wanted him to take control of you.

Getting your message, he takes your wrists together in one hand and pins them against the wall above you. His hips jut forward into yours as his wet kisses trail from the corner of your mouth down to your neck.

“Fuck, I-” you moan breathily as he sucks a spot below your ear, your hips rolling forward to meet his. All the while his grip remained tight on your wrists, keeping them steadily pinned above your head. You liked the feeling of letting go, having someone else control the situation. You were generally uptight and liked to take control in other aspects of your life, but this is one that you wanted to submit to.

“You what?” he responds with a steady voice, brown eyes burning holes into you. You knew your face was probably flushed red, hair a complete mess, and neck littered with splotches.

“I want you to fuck me,” you whisper shakily, “Please.”

Letting go of your arms and lifting you up by your thighs in one swift motion, he takes you by surprise as your face falls into his neck.

“This one yours?” he starts walking down to the end of the hall.

“Mhmm,” you mumble as you start to return the favor, licking up and down the base of his neck until you found his sweet spot. Suddenly you were falling back as he playfully tossed you onto your bed, sheets unmade, and blankets bunched up.

You land in a heap, quickly moving to take your shirt off. He moves quicker, practically tackling you down onto the mattress, causing you both to laugh a little.

“Hey,” he protests, “I wanted to do that.” He takes you hands and moves them as he had done before, and lifts your shirt off your body, you arch your back to help.

He slides his arm underneath you, causing your back to stay arched, pressing your chest into his. He slips his tongue back into your mouth, meanwhile he shimmies out of his jeans, letting them fall to the floor with your abandoned shirt.

Something between a gasp and a whimper escapes your lips as his other hand snakes its way into your damp underwear. Your hands lurch up into his hair, pulling his face into yours as he starts to draw slow circles up and down your lips.

He finally slips a finger into you, causing a guttural moan to stir deep in your throat. You bite your lip to hold the noises back, eyes fluttering shut as he slowly pumps into you. His face comes back into focus as he steadies your head, running his thumb across your lower lip, tugging it away from your teeth.

Instinctually you wrap your lips around his finger, letting your tongue drag itself across his digit. You open your mouth up from its pucker, letting him alternate his thumb with his index and middle fingers, letting those slip into your warm mouth as well. You match the movements of his hand in your pussy with your mouth, sucking down on his fingers every time he re-entered you.

“Fuck Y/N,” he groans, his cock throbbing in his boxer briefs, “I didn’t realize you’d be so dirty.”

You grew a little self-conscious at his comment, opening your mouth so he could remove his fingers.

“It’s so fucking sexy,” he drags the pads of his fingers down your tongue. He moves them down and drags the warm wetness from your saliva down your throat and onto your nipples that were now slipped out of the top of your bra.

You buck your hips into his hand and moan, loving the way he was above you, fucking you with his strong hand, fingers much bigger than your own. You felt his pulsing erection pressing into your lower thigh, and groaned at the thought of him filling you up.

“Tommy,” you didn’t mean to use the nickname, but it slipped out, “condoms are in the shoebox in my bedside drawer, if you want to fuck me.”

He removed his fingers from you, bringing them up to his lips to lick them clean. Your eyelids fluttered at the sight, grinding your hips up into his to show him how bad you wanted him. His shirt came off and joined the pile of your clothes that was slowly growing larger on your floor. You expected him to be fit based on his arms, but he was stacked, built, unreal.

He clearly liked the attention, a cocky smile creeping across his face as your mouth hung slightly open, eyes dragging across his perfect body. He tugs on the waistband of your pants, that were mostly slipped off at this point, to signal to you to remove them while he rummaged through your bedside drawer.

You maneuver your way into a comfortable position, now completely naked, head resting back on a pillow. He was taking a little longer than you expected, pushing and prodding things around.

“They should be right there, blue box? Probably unopened?” you chuckle trying to make light of the situation. The smile is wiped clean off your face as soon as you heard a faint buzzing, then it stopped, then it started again. Condom in hand, as well as your purple vibrator, he climbs back on the bed up to you.

“You are dirty,” he says, trying not to laugh, “I fucking knew it.”

“Hey, you were not supposed to find that!” You try to snatch it out of his hand but he pulls away too quickly.

“You told me shoebox in the nightstand! What were you expecting me to find? You have like eight of these!”

“I do not own eight! I own five, and they are all different and special in their own ways!” you argue back, both laughing now as he jokingly pressed the vibrating wand into your side.

“You keep all kinds of fun stuff in there, huh?” he was not going to let it go. So what, you kept a few…personal items in a secret box in your nightstand, condoms included. You didn’t think he would look around and take an inventory. Your lack of finesse with strangers in bars was made up for by your wide array of battery-operated boyfriends. It wasn’t your fault that the online shop you ordered from sent free gifts when you spent over $100…like fuzzy handcuffs and cherry flavored lube.

The two of you laughed for a minute, both in nothing but your underwear. You were laughing, but the idea of him fucking you with one of your toys quickly made a crimson blush flush over your face. 

“Like I said darling,” he drags the vibrator down your stomach to meet your clothed pussy, “you’re fucking sexy.”

Your hips naturally buck up against his touch, arms snaking their way around his neck to pull his face down to yours. His strong fingers, much thicker than your own, re-entered you as he pressed the vibrator firmly against your clit. 

You couldn’t help but moan into his wet mouth as he fucked his fingers into you.

“Please,” you whimper, “fuck, Tom, please fuck me. I need you so bad.”

“Only because you asked so nicely,” he whispers into your ear, somehow making your pussy wetter than it already is. 

He pulls out of you, causing you to groan at the loss of contact. He tosses his boxers off, revealing his rock hard cock that springs up to his lower stomach. You mouth practically started watering at the sight. He pumps his hand a few times and then rolls the condom on.

You manage to move your shaky legs enough to slip your underwear and bra off. You didn’t have the mental capacity to be self conscious about being naked in front of him, because you were far too occupied drooling over his body. 

“How do you want me?” you ask innocently, not meaning to moan out the words as you did. 

“Flip over,” he gestures for you to get on all fours, and your knees got weak at the thought. 

You positioned your ass up in the air, open and ready for him. You let out a sharp breath as he slides the tip of his cock up and down your folds, teasing you before finally pushing inside. He only pushes in part way though, waiting for your reaction. 

“Fuck, Tommy,” you try to roll your hips back onto him, but he firmly grips your ass and keeps you in position. 

“You need to learn how to be patient, pretty girl,” he slowly pulls your hips back to meet his, agonizingly slow but so fucking good at the same time. 

Your eyes began to water because of how good his cock felt pushed all the way into you, you wanted him to move so bad, but he wanted to torture you, make you wait for it. 

“Please, will you please fuck me, I need it,” you sounded so desperate, but you knew he liked it, liked hearing how badly you wanted him. 

He starts moving in and out of you, firm grip on your ass never wavering. Quiet moans left his mouth as he fucked into you, causing your eyes to practically roll into the back of your head. He leans down to place a soft kiss on your shoulder blade, despite how viciously he's pounding into you. His head cranes down to your shoulder, his hand coming up to brush your hair out of your face. 

As his long fingers move your hair behind your ear, you push your head back into his hand, not wanting to lose contact. He tentatively runs his hands up into your hair, taking a soft grip on your roots.

“Is this what you want?” he whispers, “you like it rough?”

“Yes,” you manage to squeak out, “fuck, pull my hair, spank me, do whatever the fuck you want to me, please.”

He took that as a clear green light to yank back on your hair, causing your back to arch more. He keeps fucking you relentlessly, filling the room with sounds of skin slapping against skin. The obscene noises coming from your mouth only encouraged him to fuck you harder, pull your hair harder, grip your hips harder. 

With little warning you feel him suddenly slip out of you, and before you could turn around to ask how he wanted you next, you feel his hands grab tightly to the back of your thighs, keeping you propped up exactly as you are. You feel his hot tongue enter your warm pussy from the back, quickly licking wide stripes up your folds. 

“Holy shit,” your brain could not process the pleasure you were feeling fast enough. 

He starts to feel your thighs shake under his grasp, knowing that you are close. He wanted to make you come, and hard, as a special thank you for inviting him up to your place. And that he did. 

He sucked harshly on your clit, hips tilted all the way back for him, giving him perfect access. You couldn't even articulate to him how good he was making you feel. You were moaning so loud you were worried the neighbors could hear, so you take a fistful of sheets and bury your mouth in them, muffling your sounds. You legs began to violently shake as he lapped up your juices, bringing a harsh slap down onto your ass. Your hips fell to the mattress as soon as he let go. 

He grabs your waist and helps you flip over so you lay flat on your back. He hovers over you, placing a gentle kiss to your lips. You feel his hard cock pressing into your core, begging for entrance. 

“You good?” he asks as your eyes finally focus, your brain coming back down to earth, “do you want to keep going?” he asks genuinely.

“I’m so fucking good,” you bring him down into a more passionate kiss, pressing your hips up into his erection, “I want nothing more than for you to fuck the shit out of me.”

“Thank god, cuz I want to feel that pretty pussy of yours come all over my cock.” 

His words sent shivers down your spine, more so as he pushed back into your sopping wet cunt, finding a quick rhythm fucking into you. He presses your thighs back with his large hands, hitting you at the perfect angle. Your mouth gapes open watching his perfect body thrust into you. How the fuck did you get so lucky? Is this a dream? Possibly. 

You notice a smirk creep onto his face, he raises his eyebrows and gives you a look. 

“You didn’t think I forgot about this, did you?” he grabs the purple vibrator from the side of the bed and flicks the switch on. 

You all but explode as he brings it down to your throbbing clit. The addition of the vibrations to his cock hitting your g-spot perfectly sent you into one of the most body-shaking orgasms of all time. If that wasn’t enough, you open your eyes to see his perfect hand wrapping around your throat, applying exactly the right amount of pressure to your neck.

You can’t say anything other than his name over and over as your walls begin to contract around him. You throw your head back as you see stars. He lets his grip on your neck go and leans down to capture you in a kiss, wanting to connect with you as you reached your peak. 

Making intense eye contact, you watch as he bites his lip, savoring the feeling of you coming undone around him. You frantically bring your hands to the back of his head, tangling them in his messy hair as you come down from possibly the most intense orgasm of your life. 

“Holy fuck baby, feel so good around me, fuck, gonna make me come soon,” he pants between thrusts. 

“Mmmm,” you were still fucked-out from your orgasm, “I want it in my mouth.”

His eyes practically fell out of his head at your comment, lips coming down to attack your breasts that had been wildly bouncing each time he pressed into you. In one swift motion he managed to flip you over. You slide down between his legs and start pumping his cock, not wanting to lose momentum.

You wrap your lips around his head, feeling his shaft twitch under your hand. Swirling your tongue around the tip while quickly jerking him off quickly pushes him over the edge, his come filling your mouth along with your saliva. 

His hips jerk up as he comes, pushing his length further into your throat, but you don’t mind, in fact you kind of like it. You watch his expression as you swallow his come, making big doe eyes at him. You lick your lips a little and crawl back up to meet his face. 

Flopping down next to him, you let your sweaty body fall into rhythm with his deep breaths.    

“I-,” he starts, turning to meet your face, “I don’t even know what to say, that was fucking incredible.”

You turn your head away from him, pretending to act shy. 

“I fucking mean it, you’re perfect.”

Your cheeks actually turn pink at this. You press your head to his chest, telling him you liked it a lot too. More than liked it. 

“I don’t know if this is weird, if I should go…” he starts to move.

“Offer still stands of course,” you grab his hand, wanting to feel his chest against your cheek again, “couch or bed is all yours.”

“Bed please,” he flops back down next to you and lets you tangle up in his arms, “as long as we can do that again in the morning. You have all those fun toys, I need to try them all out on you.” 

The two of you quickly fall asleep, naked and basking in your post sex bliss, a huge smile on your face. 

The next morning you hear keys jangling in the front door. Opening your groggy eyes, you don’t have time to fully wake up and register what is happening before you hear Madison knocking at your door. 

She barges in, wanting to tell you all about her night with Haz. 

“Holy FUCK y/n, I-” she starts before seeing the figure next to you in bed. 

You frantically grab the sheets to cover yourself up and make a wild gesture to tell her to get out. She silently breaks into a huge grin, waving her arms around and pumping her fists in the air. You keep gesturing for her to get out, but she continues to victory dance on your behalf. 

You knew you would never hear the end of this. 

[withyounct]

What’s wrong kid? (8)

Reader x Single dad!Jaehyun 

Genre: Fluff

Words: 3.7k

Prompt: You notice a child crying at a school playground. You decide to see what’s up and meet an extremely stressed/extremely handsome father.

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A/n: Enjoy!

“God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers?” You muttered completely hanging upside down on the couch doing nothing as the pressure of blood flowed into your brain. Ten, who was scrolling through his phone, used his free hand to poke you with a stray pillow.

“We’ll drink and get over it. Are you okay?” He was met with grunts as you slid onto the floor. He was gearing up to join you when the doorbell rang. Very swiftly, you enforced the ‘nose goes’ rule and smirked as he begrudgingly went to answer it.

You were pleasantly surprised to see Johnny’s gigantic stature from your place on the ground.

“I think you’ve been over more than Jaehyun. Congratulations. What do you want?” You turned into a sitting position. Johnny, still in his ‘casual’ suit and tailored made trench coat, chuckled and held out a hand to help you up.

“I'm bored and would like to have a father-daughter afternoon.” You tilted your head in confusion because Johnny was the cool uncle type rather than father, but the rare innocent smile on his face forced you to keep the thought to yourself.

You were content with staying in your nicely heated apartment lounging around all day, but unfortunately you had a soft spot for him. You took his hand and was brought up. Telling him to hang out with Ten for about twenty minutes, you ventured into your room to get ready.

You put on some light makeup and picked out a Johnny approved outfit. It was snowing out, so you stole one of Kun’s scarfs as Johnny pulled you out into the cold.

He told you that he didn’t have any definitive plans as you drove onto the highway. You were about to criticize his poor planning when you got an email from the Men’s Wearhouse. You scanned the email and looked up at Johnny. 

“I can feel you boring holes into my face, what’s up?” He asked not looking away from the road.

You weighed your options; it would be easy and convenient to have Johnny take you, but the possibility of him telling Jaehyun was risky. On the other hand, the thought of having to leave your house later to do something you could do now was annoying.

“I trust you more than I should.” You sighed. “I need to pick up Jaehyun’s gift.”

“I’ll beat you to it. If I tell him anything you’ll kill me.” He smirked. “Where are we going shorty?”  

You scoffed and inserted the address into the gps.

“It’s how much!?” You held on tightly to your card, eyes blown out in shock. The older gentleman that helped you before had his same warm smile which somehow made things worse. 

“The total is $150.” He gestured to the screen. You were too focus at the price that you missed Johnny’s whistle behind you.

“Man that’s pricey. By your standards of course, but I got it.” Johnny said coolly going into his pocket. You stopped his arm with more force than needed.

“I will end you.” You threatened, but the pout you displayed made you look more like a sad kitten than anything. You swiped your card before you could regret it and was handed the velvet box. The man wished you both happy holidays as you exited the shop. You were too busy looking at your bank account to care that Johnny took the gift out your hands and inspected it.

“Boring and right up Jaehyun’s alley. Congrats.” He carefully placed it in one of your coat pockets, making sure to button it close. “Come on, let me treat you to lunch.” He didn’t wait for you to reply as he intertwined his arm with yours and dragged you to the car.

Johnny was pretty predictable, so you weren’t surprised when he took you to some upscale ritzy restaurant. Upon his instructions, you didn’t look at the prices of anything and ordered a steak that you were a hundred percent sure cost the same as rent. You were sipping on the sweetest wine the place had to offer when you realized something. 

“You’re a good friend.” You said suddenly, leaning back into your chair. Johnny looked up from his food in confusion as you continued. “I hope you genuinely like hanging out with me, but your trying to help Jaehyun figure out what to get me, right?”

“Clever guess, but wrong. Jaehyun already bought your gift.” He laughed reaching over the table to ruffle your hair. “I really just wanted a father-daughter day.” He smiled softly. 

After lunch you spent the rest of the afternoon trying to stop Johnny from buying everything he thought would look cute on you and failing. It was nearing the evening when you finally talked him into taking you home, complaining that neither of you had any arm room left. 

“Something tells me that you were always this wealthy.” You stated, stuffing the rest of the bags in the back seat and hopping in yours.

“What gave me away? My complete disregard of a price tag or the car?” He joked. 

“Both.” You laughed. “No offense, you just give off a ‘trust fund kid, never eaten ramen’ vibe sometimes.”

He chuckled, but nodded. “None taken. You’re half right. Came from money. My father owns an information company in Chicago, while my mom owns a fashion company in New York. I was set the moment I was born.” He said proudly.  “I was kind of an asshole as a child and was sent to this boarding school in New Jersey. It was middle school when I met Jaehyun. I’ll let him tell you all the shit we got into, but he was the first person to introduce me to ramen. He loved it, but I wasn’t much of a fan.” There was something in his eyes that soften ever so slightly as he traveled down memory lane in his head. “I’ve known that loser my whole life.” He smiled more to himself than to you. 

“You make him happy.” He used the red light as an opportunity to look at you. “I’ve seen him hit rock bottom and try his hardest to fill holes that were impossible to fix. Hyunjin does a good job, but she herself has holes that she's too young to notice. But you,” His laugh was light in wonder. “you just appeared out of nowhere like an angel and started sewing their holes shut.”

The light changed and he sent you one final smile before turning his attention back to the road. “So thanks for that.” 

The rest of the car ride was filled with music as you were rendered speechless. Johnny didn’t pressure you into saying anything and you appreciated it. He helped you bring all the bags up into your apartment. 

You knew he wasn’t much of a hugger, but you found yourself wrapping your arms tightly around him. You felt the light vibrations of him laugh as he hugged you back. 

“I take it I'm your new favorite.” He laughed, ruffling your hair as you let go. “See you later shorty.” He smiled as he left. 

It was early in the evening and it was right around the time you would make your way over to Jaehyun’s. After trying to find the closet space for all the new clothes that was gifted upon you, you found yourself getting ready to do just that.

But, there was a moment of hesitation as you skidded over to your phone. You’d totally forgotten that Renjun and Yangyang were leaving for China in the morning. You smiled and opened up the group chat, adding Kun and Ten to it.

‘Let’s do something tonight!’ You sent the message and it took exactly three minutes for you to regret your life choices. Jaemin made a poll and clubbing became the main victor. You sent a ‘I hate you all’ text, tossed your phone, and grabbed one of the outfits Johnny bought you. You still had on makeup from earlier, so you were the first one done. 

You wandered into Ten’s room and flopped on his bed as he got ready, wrapping yourself into a cocoon with his covers.

“Someone put in very little effort.” He judged, getting up from his desk chair to sit next to you. He handed you his eyeliner, a silent gesture for you to help him.

“Someone has a man and would rather go laser tagging.” You shot back as you gently tight lined his eyes. “You know you and Kun are our responsible sober adults’ tonight.” You informed. You were met with rolled eyes that contradicted his smile.

“Someone’s got to keep the kids safe.” 

It didn’t take long for everyone to arrive. Kun and Ten took four each and headed to the downtown clubbing district. Ten was ready to throw both you and Jeno out the car since you both rather be anywhere but there and wouldn’t shut up about it.  No one questioned Jaemin as he ushered the group passed the long line into the club. You turned to see him high-five the bouncer and laughed because that was such a Jaemin thing to do. 

You wandered passed the dancefloor and various bodies to the bar. Ten, who immediately forgot about his adult responsibilities, had ordered a raspberry vodka. You smiled as you swiftly took it out his hand and downed it, shooing him away in the process.  

You weren’t much for dancing, so you found a comfortable place at the bar where you could watch your friends act like complete fools. You turned to order another drink when one was placed in front of you. You looked up confused at the bartender only to have him nod his head at the male sitting next to you before walking off. 

The really handsome guy that you just now noticed smiled at you. Smiling back and noticing his drink, you called over the bartender again and ordered another drink. He was confused, but placed it in front of you. Smoothly, you slid it over to the stranger who looked more confused.

“Returning the nice gesture.” You stated, spinning around on the stool to look at your friends. Even in the poorly lit room you could see the murderous intent in their eyes. Laughing, you threw up a ‘okay’ sign and they returned to their dancing. 

“Seungcheol.” He introduced, holding out his hand. 

“Y/n. Taken.” You smiled as you shook his hand. Your smile widened as he laughed.

“That’s okay. I hope the drink wasn’t too awkward.” He nervously rubbed his neck. You told him it wasn’t. 

Naturally a conversation started between you two. You were both dragged there by your friends, who were oddly dancing around each other. Somewhere in between the jokes, laughs, and drinks, an existential crisis creeped its ugly way into your mind making it a bit hard to focus. In every case before now, you would flirt a little and make out in the bathroom until one of your friends would drag you home. 

The conversation gradually became one-sided on his part; you tried to stay engaged, but with the aid of alcohol in your system you eventually fell flat. He was quick to pick it up, stopping midway through a joke to look at your sudden somber disposition. With a bit of hesitation, he lightly tapped your hand.

“Okay why do you look like a kicked puppy? Am I bothering you?” He worried, moving a bit back into his seat to give more space between you two. His dejected tone caught your attention and you hurriedly shook your head. 

“No, its just.” You sighed, letting your cheek lean into your palm. You let out an empty laugh and continued to shake your head. “Nothing.”  You lied.

There was something in his eyes that soften as you played with your empty drink. “I know it’s usually the bartenders that listen to random people problems, but that guy looks like he hates everything and I'm an excellent listener.” He offered.

You weren’t one to flood people with your troubles, friend and stranger alike, but there was something comforting and accepting about him. You sighed. “My boyfriend said I love you a few months back and I haven’t said it back.” You found yourself saying. You watched his face grimaced. “Yeah, I know.” 

Wordlessly, he got the bartender’s attention and pointed to your empty glass. 

After securing you another drink, he continued.

“So, what’s the problem?” He asked. 

“That’s the thing, there isn’t one. He's downright perfect. Even with a kid.” You paused for a moment. “His daughter is amazing which makes him more amazing.” You groaned letting your arm fall as you laid your head on your forearm. 

“Ah, you’re afraid.” He acknowledged. You sat there and let his words simmer for a moment. In your more sober mindset you would deny immediately, it was a stupid reason to be afraid, but somehow you found yourself nodding.

“There's just too much finality with the word love.” You confessed softly to the point you weren’t sure he heard you. He looked down at you sadly as he traded out your drink with water.

Silence engulfed you two, the music and loud laughter for the outside world that seem to dim made its way back into your ears. The alcohol making everything slightly louder than you were comfortable with. 

“I know I don’t know you well, but let me ask you one question that you don’t have to tell me the answer to.” His soft eyes had a sliver of sharpness around the edges. “In this moment right now do you see yourself growing old with him?” 

You of course knew the answer; you’ve had countless daydreams about it. Waking up every morning wrapped in his arms, helping Hyunjin with her hair before school, late minute dates, forcing Jaehyun to watch more horror movies with you, tending to the garden with Hyunjin, putting her to bed, watching her grow up, arguing, making up, the whole nine yards. Until you’re both gross and wrinkly. 

You didn’t notice the smile make its way on your face until Seungcheol proudly pointed it out. 

“Take out your phone, I want updates.” He pulled out his phone and you two exchanged numbers.

It was nearing midnight and you were beyond ready to go. You couldn’t fathom how your friends had the energy to keep going, but they always had a way of surprising you. With a sad smile you turned towards Seungcheol.

“Not that you’re not amazing company, but I'm tired an-”

“I got you.” He waved over your friends. Kun, who finally manage to get out of Ten’s grasp, saw and about ran to you. He, of course, was ready to throw hands just in case. But, after some talking you calmed him down and introduced the two. You turned to pick up your bar tab when it was whisked away by Seungcheol. 

“Have a good night.” He winked, disappearing to the other side of the bar before you could protest. Laughing and shaking your head, you returned your attention back to Kun. Biting your lip and looking past him you could see the rest of your friends still having fun. You didn’t want to take Kun away from that, but wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed. 

“Can you call me a ube-”

“I’ll drive.” He cut you off. “Ten’s with them. He's more responsible than we give him credit for. I’ll come back after dropping you off.” He smiled. It wasn’t every day that Kun complimented Ten, so you decided not to tell him about earlier. 

“Jaehyun’s place right?” He asked, a cheeky smile gracing his face.

“You’re the best.” You hopped down for your stool and leaned on Kun as he guided you out the club. You made sure to stop by Renjun and Yangyang to hug them bye and wished them safe travels.

The car ride was filled with Kun’s ballad playlist which was a welcoming change from the loud EDM music you had to suffer through. Just like you the first time, Kun stood and gawk at how nice Jaehyun’s house was. 

“My baby is moving up in the world.” He whistled. He walked you to the door making sure you had your keys before hugging you bye. 

The living room lights were off and given the time you guessed he retired to bed. Clumsily, you dropped your bag on the couch and made your way down the hallway. You stopped by Hyunjin and snickered at her chaotic sleeping form, looking apologetically at the stuff animals at got kick or punched on the floor. Gently you closed her door and noticed Jaehyun’s office light was still on.

You wandered over and leaned against the doorframe. He was too focused on his laptop and you decided not to alert him to your presence yet. You stood there for a few minutes watching him in deep concentration, smiling at how soft he looked in his ruffled hair and round glasses.

“Boo.” You said, craving his attention. You laughed at how he jumped in surprise, but melted when his smile blossomed. He got out his seat and made his way over to you.

“What are you doing here?” He smiled holding your face.

“I missed you.” You whispered. He cooed at the statement and leaned in for a kiss. He quickly leaned back and looked at you confused.

“Alcohol?” He asked.

You nodded. “I went out with friends. Kun drove me here.” 

He gently stroked your cheek and thanked you for being responsible. You told him he could return to his work, but he wasn’t having any of that. Abandoning his laptop, he guided you to the bedroom. You walked into the closet and grabbed one of his shirts to change in. When you walked back into the room he was seated on the bed, your box of skin care by his side. He smiled and padded the space next to him. Chuckling, you sat yourself.

“I'm not that drunk. I can do it.” You explained.

“Nope. I want to.” He beamed. He pulled out your makeup wipes and gently wiped your face. You started to laugh which caught his attention.

“You’re going to need to use more force than that.” You laughed handing him another wipe. He made an ‘o’ shape and applied a bit more pressure. He used more wipes than needed, but you kept that to yourself. After he was done, you went to cleanse your face with the promise he could finish the rest. 

He had seen your routine countless times, so you closed your eyes and let him go at his own pace.

“Did you have fun?” He asked quietly.

“Kind of. I mostly talked to this guy at the bar.” You answered honestly. His hands stilled for a millisecond. It was something you would have missed if you weren’t hyperaware of his every movements. 

“Oh. What did you talk about?” 

“You. He was a chill guy.” Your eyes opened slowly as you smiled. You saw the smile make its way on his face as he nodded.

“Well I'm glad you kind of had fun.” He finished padding in your eye cream and tapped your nose. 

“Beautiful.” The same amount of love in his eyes was being conveyed in his voice as he tucked a stray hair behind your ear. Your heart picked up speed at the intensity of his gaze, so you got on your knees and engulfed him in a hug. You smiled at the melodic laughter that calmed your very soul as he held onto you.

“Man I should do this more often.” He gently stroke your head, swaying you side to side.

“Thanks for being you.” You mumbled softly into his neck. He placed a kiss on the crown of your head before pulling the cover to tuck you in. He left to put your box back and turn off the lights.

“The park by my office is decorated as a winter wonderland. Lets go with Hyunjin tomorrow.” He crawled into bed.

“I'm down.” You said with no hesitation. 

“Let me guess, you’re going to be bouncing around like a child.”

“Without a doubt.”

“I'm getting beach flashbacks.” He sighed, but there was no mirth behind it.

You found your usual place cuddled into his chest. “Goodnight my human teddy bear.” You joked.

“Goodnight my beautiful doll.”

It was one of those rare times, you were awake before Jaehyun. Usually you would wake up in a cloud of confusion, wondering what events you had to do that day or other random thing. But, there was nothing, just clarity. You grabbed a piece of hair and started to tickle Jaehyun’s nose. His hand was on your side, so on instinct he tickled you back. You’re laughter brought him out of his dreamy state. 

“Stop, I need your undivided attention.” You giggled trying to come down from laughing. 

“You always have my attention.” He smiled, draping his arm back over your side.

“Thanks.” You started. “I need to say this before I overthink or wuss out. So, I wanted to say this last night, but I had alcohol in my system and I'm not tactless. But, you were doing the most mundane thing and I swear my heart was going a mile a minute which is becoming a frequent thing. I was going to wait till Christmas to make a grand display of my feelings while I gave you your really lame gift, but that’s not how I am and that’s not what love is to me. It’s the feeling I have right now warm in your arms with messy hair and sleep in my eyes, which is fine because you tell me I'm beautiful every morning.” You smiled. “I love you Jaehyun.”

“I know.” He whispered, smile beaming brighter than ever. You move your arm to hit his chest, but was stopped when he grabbed your face and place a kiss that took your breath away. Your eyes fluttered close and you let yourself get sucked into his warmth. He slowly pulled away and bumped foreheads with you. The laughter that left him was that of a child on Christmas day. Pure happiness. It was infectious and you found yourself laughing too. Grabbing his cheek, you placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

“I love you dummy.”

[chpkns]

BEST ALBUMS 2020

Some albums I enjoyed during quarantine.

Hon Mentions: Campfire Chords - Arkells, A Written Testimony - Jay Electronica, All In One - Jaunt, Punisher - Phoebe Bridgers, Alfredo - Freddie Gibs and Madlib, Thats What They All Say - Jack Harlow, Western Swing & Waltzes and Other Punchy Songs - Colter Wall, This Place Sucks Ass - PUP, Only For Dolphins - Action Bronson, Black Habits - D Smoke, What’s Your Pleasure - Jessie Ware, 3.15.20 - Childish Gambino, Dedicated Side B - Carly Rae Jepsen, Dark Lane Demo Tapes - Drake, After Hours - The Weeknd, color theory - Soccer Mommy, Circles - Mac Miller, Womb - Purity Ring

10) Future Nostalgia - Dua Lipa

One of the lesser, although still significant, tragedies of the 2020 COVID era was that weddings and sweaty club basements the world over were robbed of Dua Lipa’s prolific output this year. Future Nostalgia is hit or miss in places, but the hits come hot and heavy delivering banger after 80′s-disco-inspired banger. Dominant summer jams “Don’t Start Now” and “Break My Heart” are the highlights here, along with “Levitating” (equally good with or without DaBaby). Sleeper tracks “Cool” and “Hallucinate” round out the year’s best pure pop album.

Highlights: Don’t Start Now, Break My Heart, Levitating, Physical, Cool, Hallucinate

9) Women In Music, Pt. III - HAIM

The third album from LA’s sister act rock trio HAIM delivers consistency and growth for the band. There’s plenty of retro heartbreak rock on Women In Music, Pt. III to satisfy fans of HAIM’s first two albums, but lots of new on offer as well including the jazzy Lou Reed inspired sax of “Summer Girl” and Danielle Haim sounding positively Joni Mitchell-esque on “Man From the Magazine”. The auditory production flourishes of erstwhile Vampire Weekend member Rostam are noticeable throughout and help stretch the bounds of the HAIM sisters’ signature Wilson Phillips meets Fleetwood Mac summer rock sound into something more of the moment.

Highlights: The Steps, Summer Girl, Don’t Wanna, Man From the Magazine, FUBT

8) My Turn (Deluxe) - Lil Baby

I’ve almost given up on trying to enjoy or understand most “new rap” but every now and then something breaks through that I connect with for some reason. Atlanta rapper Lil Baby’s My Turn was that album for me this year. There are many reasons I feel I should not like Lil Baby’s music, from his liberal use of autotune to his mumbling delivery, but something always drew me back to it and, listen after listen, it grew on me. Lil Baby’s flow is persistent when he locks in, with matching driving trap production from Quay Global, Tay Keith and others, mirroring in sound the story of Baby’s rise from the streets to prison to the studio. The standout track is late addition “The Bigger Picture”, Lil Baby’s protest anthem on race in America, policing and the turmoil following the killing of George Floyd by police, a political statement from an otherwise apolitical artist, showing that Lil Baby has much more to offer than bravado and autotune.

Highlights: Grace (ft. 42 Dugg), Forever (ft. Lil Wayne), No Sucker (ft. Moneybagg Yo), Social Distancing, The Bigger Picture

7) Miss Anthropocene - Grimes

The third major studio release from Montreal native Claire Boucher, better known as Grimes, doesn’t reach the same highs as its predecessors - 2015′s electro-pop masterpiece Art Angels (which rated number 1 on this list for that year) or 2012′s Visions, the synth-laden fever dream that introduced Grimes to mainstream notoriety (number 2 on this list for 2012) - but it’s still very much worth the time. The vibe of Miss A falls somewhere between Grimes’ previous two albums, and a little darker and messier to boot. Grimes sounds a bit like she’s playing a concert for the end of the world, which feels a bit prophetic for an album released just before a global pandemic took hold. As always, Grimes is out to flex her muscle as a technician and across the album’s ten tracks she mixes diverse sounds ranging from rave synths to banjos showing how far her craft has come since making Visions on Garageband in her Mile End apartment.

Highlights: So Heavy I Fell Through The Earth, Violence, Delete Forever, 4ÆM, You’ll miss me when I’m not around

6) evermore - Taylor Swift

Spoiler alert, this isn’t the highest ranked Taylor Swift album on this list. Surprise released in December, evermore was an early Christmas present to fans of Swift’s surprise summer album folklore (more on that later). evermore continues Swift’s reinvention from pop star to indie singer-songwriter, assisted by songwriting partner Aaron Dessner of The National and a variety of indie darling guest stars - this time around featuring HAIM, The National’s Matt Berninger and another stunning guest turn with Bon Iver. Speaking of Justin Vernon, the album capping title track might be the single best song on either folklore or evermore. And for fans of Taylor’s earlier catalogue like me, the return to country music on “no body, no crime” is like reconnecting with an old friend. evermore is a little messier and less consistent thematically than its sister album, feeling a bit like folklore’s b-sides. But when your b-sides are better than most artist’s a-sides, why not release another album’s worth?

Highlights: ‘tis the damn season, no body no crime (ft. HAIM), coney island (ft. The National), cowboy like me, evermore (ft. Bon Iver)

5) RTJ4 - Run The Jewels

Walking the streets of my neighbourhood with the first listen of RTJ4 in my earbuds, I found myself actually crying at the thought that I would not get to see Killer Mike and el-P perform these songs live in the summer of 2020. The memories of RTJ festival sets past came rushing over me in a wave. That was my first “damn, I miss live music moment” of the pandemic. The fourth instalment of Run The Jewels’ historic rap partnership is more of the same in the very best way. Like the dynamic duo’s previous three instalments, RTJ4 is in your face, moves at a frenetic clip, and takes no prisoners. There’s even another album highlighting collaboration with Rage Against The Machine’s Zack De La Rocha. The politics of RTJ4′s tirades against inequity and the police state feel even more imminent in 2020 against the backdrop of George Floyd, the ensuing protest movement that gripped America, and the 2020 presidential election. I really hope we get a chance to see Mike and el-P tour these songs in 2021, the world needs it.

Highlights: ooh la la (ft. Greg Nice and DJ Premier), goonies vs. E.T., walking in the snow, JU$T (ft. Pharrell Williams and Zack de la Rocha), a few words for the firing squad (radiation)

4) Saint Cloud - Waxahatchee

The majestically twangy folk-Americana of Saint Cloud, the fifth solo album from Katie Crutchfield (stage named Waxahatchee after Waxahatchee Creek, Alabama, where the singer grew up), is a nostalgic cure for the ails of 2020. The soft bluesy rhythms of Crutchfield’s songs feel like a lazy long summer day spent by the water. That was something we needed this year. The songwriting is just as beautiful. The standout track, “Fire”, speaks to Crutchfield’s journey finding sobriety and reconnecting with her southern roots. It also speaks to a longing feeling “give me something / it ain’t enough / it ain’t enough”.  On “Arkadelphia”, Crutchfield croons: “We try to give it all meaning / Glorify the grain of the wood / Tell ourselves what's beautiful and good”. In the chaos of 2020, the calm oasis of Saint Cloud is certainly something beautiful and good worth enjoying.

Highlights: Can’t Do Much, Fire, The Eye, Arkadelphia, St. Cloud

3) Suddenly - Caribou

Suddenly was my first genuine pandemic listen and, in the early days of lockdown, I found myself going back to it again and again. So much so, that the opening haunting notes of “Sister” became a kind of touchstone as I adjusted to a weird new work-from-home lifestyle. The chilled out weirdness of Caribou was an extremely welcome presence in 2020. It had been long enough since 2014′s Our Love (2014′s number 1 on this list) that I’d forgotten how enjoyably quirky Dan Snaith’s floaty pseudo-house tunes could be. Suddenly is a little more laid back than the club ready Our Love, which maybe suits it more to a world where dancefloors are closed. The tunes are also tighter, more economical in their length and soundscape. The lead single “Home” sounds downright commercial (in a good way) with it’s motown sampled chorus. Other parts of the album, like the closing “Cloud Song” venture into more experimental territories. All throughout, however, are Caribou’s signature warm chord progressions inviting you to lose yourself in them. Whether you’re looking for a guided meditation or an at-home dance party, Suddenly was the perfect 2020 album for it.

Highlights: Sister, Home, Lime, Never Come Back, Ravi

2) Cuttin’ Grass, Vol. 1 : The Butcher Shoppe Sessions - Sturgill Simpson

2020 was full of unexpected things, many bad but some surprisingly delightful. Firmly in the latter category is Cuttin’ Grass, Sturgill Simpson’s surprise double album made up entirely of bluegrass covers of his own catalogue. A true product of 2020, Simpson recorded the album with a murderer’s row of contemporary bluegrass artists after recovering from COVID-19 and challenging his fans to raise funds for charity in exchange for recording a new album. That album became Cuttin’ Grass, a traditional bluegrass re-imagination of the greatest hits and hidden gems of a country artist who has always strived to avoid being labelled as a country artist. The songs feel effortlessly at home and are given new life amid the frenetic guitar and mandolin picking, flying fiddles, and twangling banjos. If Simpson’s ode to the revelatory experience of psychedlic drug use “Turtles All The Way Down” felt revolutionary on 2014′s Metamodern Sounds in Country Music, it feels like an old standard here with its tempo pitched up and enveloped in the cacophony of the bluegrass ensemble. There is some good old fashioned heartbreak to slow things down too. Mandolin player and backup vocalist Sierra Hull shines on “I Wonder” (a cover of a song originally recorded by Sturgill’s former band Sunday Valley) as she joins Simpson on the chorus: “Tell me am I the only one / drinking and cursing your name?” The juxtaposition of Simpson’s unconventional country catalogue with the most traditional of country music styles just works and the entire hour can be listened and relistened for days. And if you’re still not satisfied, the companion “Volume 2: the Cowboy Arms Sessions” released in December brings back the same supporting cast to explore more of Simpson’s catalogue.

 Highlights: All The Pretty Colors, Breakers Roar, Time After All, Turtles All The Way Down, Voices

1) folklore - Taylor Swift

Well, I told you there’d be more Taylor Swift on this list, and here it is. Your number 1 album of 2020 is folklore, the surprise release pandemic project in which the world’s biggest country star turned pop star reinvented herself again as an indie artist. Unlike anything else Swift has put out since RED, nothing on folklore is designed to be played in a stadium. Rather, it’s all more at home in a cabin by the fire, or in your earbuds on a fall walk... basically, it’s music meant for 2020. Like its companion evermore, folklore is the product of Swift’s songwriting collaboration with The National’s guitarist Aaron Dessner. The melding of songwriting styles seems like an odd match at first but sounds like a match made in heaven. Lyrically, Swift’s songwriting makes an evolutionary leap, almost leaving her primary auto or semi-autobiographical comfort zone behind completely (other than, perhaps, in heavily veiled metaphor) in favour of invented stories and semi-historical world building. After a few listens, you discover that the same characters appear in different songs like the imagined history of Rebekah Harkness, the real life former inhabitant of Swift’s Rhode Island home, on “the last great american dynasty” or imagery of “battleships” that “sink beneath the waves” in the ghost story of “my tears ricochet”. In the so-called “teenage love triangle trilogy” of “betty”, “cardigan”, and “august”, Swift tells different parts of the same story from the perspective of different characters. Each song stands on its own, but the discovery that the pieces fit together is wonderful. “betty” is the standout track for me, as a long suffering fan of “country Taylor”. In style, it harkens back to her earlier work, but in substance it’s something new entirely as Swift sings from the perspective of James, the boy who has done wrong by his lover and is seeking forgiveness. The pinnacle of the album is “exile” Swift’s collaboration with Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon. The call and response interaction of Swift with Vernon’s true to for emma form baritone is chill inducing. Like so many of the unexpected good things in 2020, folklore came from throwing plans out the window and doing what felt right for the moment. This is Taylor Swift making the music she wanted to make. In Dark Knight fashion, it’s the album we needed, if not the one we deserved. It’s the best album of the year.

Highlights: cardigan, the last great american dynasty, exile (ft. Bon Iver), my tears ricochet, epiphany, betty, peace

[harrrrrryyyy]

A Twist In My Story || Harry Styles | Chapter One.

Word Count: 1,709

Warnings: swearing

Chapter Two

   Today marked the first day of the rest of my life; I was finally headed off to college.  It was a scary thought; me being on my own for the first time in my life.  My mom wasn’t going to be there to watch my every move, and my dad, well, my dad was never really there, to begin with.  I got accepted into my dream college, UCLA.  I’ve wanted nothing more than to get away from my overbearing mother, so I chose a school that was the whole way across the country.  Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my mom, she’s just a bit much.  She’s a bit much all the time.  She didn’t necessarily approve of me moving all the way out to California, but it’s my life and I’m going to live it how I want.   “Do you have everything you need?” Mom asks. I nod my head and sling my bag full of clothes over my shoulder.   “I never thought this day would come, you’re going to actually make something of yourself,” Mom cries, “I wish your brother would have.” “Hey!” My brother yells. “Well, you damn well know it’s the truth, Cory,” Mom yells back. I intervene, “can we not fight right now? I’m getting ready to leave.” “You’re right, I’m sorry,” she apologizes, “we’re going to miss you so much, baby.” “Speak for yourself,” Cory mumbles. “As if you’re not going to miss me,” I chuckle, pulling him into a big hug. “Of course I’m gonna miss ya, Sprout.” I smile at the nickname he gave me when I was five. “I’m gonna miss you, too.” I pull away from him and try to blink away the tears that are threatening to spill, “alright, I have a long ride ahead of me, I better go.” I tell everyone goodbye and hop in my car.  Planes were a huge no for me, so I started up my car and make my way to Los Angeles.   *** I pull into the parking lot of the dorm rooms and look for the right building.  Once I find it, I start walking toward it, looking around to see all of the people around me.  They were the typical college stereotypes you see in movies.  Jocks, band geeks, the one who thinks they’re “baddies”, cheerleaders, goths, nerds, the lot.  My eyes land on a particular group dressed in mostly black, tattoos and piercings everywhere.  Not my type of group, but something about one of the guys standing in the group grabbed my attention.  He was tall, tattoos all over his arms, and disheveled curly hair.  He was jaw-droppingly gorgeous from what I could see from the distance.  I quickly look away as his eyes meet mine and continue into the dorm building.  I find my room and open the door. I look around the room as I drop my bags down on the floor. There were 80’s rock band posters all over the walls.  Motley Crue, ACDC, Guns N’ Roses, Queen.  I already approved of this girl.  The door opens, snapping me out of my thoughts, in comes a girl with jet black hair, followed by that same guy I was checking out in the Quad. “Oh!” the girl exclaims, “you must be Olivia, I’m Jade!” I smile, “it’s nice to meet you.” “And this is my friend Harry,” she introduces curly. “I wouldn’t call us friends,” he says in the deepest English accent.  I swear my knees almost give out by just the sound of his voice.   “Oh shut up!” she argues. I listen to their bickering while I try to finish all of my unpacking. “So, Olivia, where are you from?” Harry asks. “Ohio,” I answer, “judging by your accent, you’re from England?” “Obviously,” he says with a little attitude. “Obviously,” I mock his accent.   “What was that?” he asks. I give him a quick, “nothing” and finish what I was doing. “Anyway, there’s a beginning of year party tonight, you in?” Jade asks. “As if, she seems like the biggest prude ever,” Harry says rudely. I laugh at his assumption, “I’m definitely down.” I may have a good girl facade but I’m anything but.  You don’t have a brother like mine without going to some insane parties with him.   “It starts at 9!” she says enthusiastically, “I can help you pick out an outfit.” “Alright, cool,” I tell her. Jade eventually kicks Harry out of our room so we can get ready. “What’s his problem?” I ask Jade as I finish my winged liner. “No one knows, he’s just an ass,” she explains, “I think he likes ya.” I laugh out loud, “I definitely didn’t get that vibe off of him when we met.” “He’s like that with everyone, that’s not even as bad as he can get,” she explains.   “Pretty hot though,” I say bluntly. She laughs, “that he is. Don’t get any ideas though, as far as I know, Harry doesn’t date. He doesn’t even give girls the time of day.  I’m starting to think he’s gay, to be honest.” “Bummer.” *** “Okay, yes! That is the dress,” she says looking at the lacy black dress that’s currently hugging my body.  I looked good, I felt good, now it’s time to blow this party’s socks off. The frat house wasn’t too far from the dorm room, so we walked over.  The party just started and it already seemed to be in full swing. Jade led me to her group.  I was hoping that Harry would be among them, but he isn’t.   “Hey guys, this is Olivia,” she introduces me.   “I’m Niall,” the blonde one says, Irish. “I’m Louis,” the one with brown hair and blue eyes says, English. “I’m Liam,” the one with brown hair and brown eyes says, also English. “It’s nice to meet you guys,” I say. “What’re you drinking Liv?” Niall asks. “I’ll just take some beer,” I answer. Harry finally shows up when Niall leaves to get me a beer. “Well shit,” he says looking directly at me, “didn’t think you’d actually show.” I shrug, “I’m not a prude.” “We’ll see about that,” he smirks. Niall comes back and hands me a red solo cup full of beer. I take a swig and make my way out to the dancefloor with Jade and her other girlfriends, Trinity and Becca. I feel eyes on me the entire time I’m moving my hips to the beat of the song.  Becca comes up to me, “Harry is totally checking you out right now.” I look up to where Harry is, and sure enough, he is. I roll my eyes and turn away from him, continuing to dance with Jade and Trinity.  A pair of hands wrap around my waist and I feel a prominent bulge press against my ass.  I figure it’s Harry and continue to grind against the man.  All too quickly, he’s pulled off of me, I turn around and look at Harry throwing a punch at someone. “Stay the fuck away from her!” Harry yells. My eyes go wide as Harry looks at me with rage in his eyes, “that’s how you end up dead in a ditch.” “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I say exasperated. I walk upstairs to the bathroom and quickly close the door behind me.  I look at myself in the mirror and sigh. The door opening startles me, and before I say anything, Harry’s closing the door again, locking it.   “That’s was a bold move you pulled back there,” he says, anger in his voice. “I don’t know what you mean,” I say, “I’m just trying to have a good time.” “A good time doesn’t require grinding on a complete stranger!” he argues. “You’re not my dad, Harry, I barely even know you!” I yell. “I’m just trying to warn you, most guys at this school are scummy,” he explains. “Thank you, but I don’t want nor need your help. I’m a big girl,” I tell him. He looks down at me, his eyes are almost unreadable, “alright. Next time I guess I’ll just let ya get kidnapped and murdered.” “Wow, dramatic much?” I cross my arms. “You shouldn’t trust college boys,” he says. “And why should I trust you?” I ask. “You shouldn’t,” he replies and walks out the door, slamming it on his way out. I gather my thoughts and make my way out of the bathroom as well. Harry was strange, but there was something about him that I was extremely attracted to.  I barely knew the guy, but there was something inside of me that really wanted to get to know him. I find Jade and tell her that I’m heading home.  As I’m walking, I hear footsteps on the pavement behind me. I quicken my pace, but it’s no use, whoever was walking behind me, grabs my arm and turns me around.  I’m relieved when I see that it’s just Harry. “Didn’t want you walking alone, there are creeps out here,” he says. “Only creep I see here is you,” I say. “Haha, very funny,” he says sarcastically. “Why do you even care if I make it home safe?” I ask. “Jade seems to like you, don’t wanna hear her crying around about it.” His tone isn’t as harsh as his words are. We walk in silence for the most part. I’m relieved when I see the dorm building come into view. We walk into the building and up to my room, but he stops me before I can open the door. “You’re not as bad as I thought,” he says through furrowed brows. “Well, thanks?” I say as more of a question. “Okay, well have a good first day,” he says before walking off.  I turn around and unlock my door, but before I can, Harry comes back. “I forgot something.” Before I can say anything, he leans down and places a loving kiss on my cheek. “See you around,” he says and then leaves. I quickly open the door and fall back on to my bed. What the fuck is this dude’s problem?  An ass one minute, then the next he’s kissing my cheek? Thoughts of tonight consume me until I drift off to sleep.

[linssikeittomies]

The Place Between Here And There - An excerpt from Ch 6

Masterpost

Ch 6 was supposed to be a fluff fest for the ages, and yet in the 10 pages of fic there is just barely 6 pages of RusAme, and if you squint real hard, maybe 1 of those pages is fluff? Goddamn you Ivan and your secrets and social anxiety! orz

--

Al had never been to the bar before, so he hadn’t known what to expect. Literally the only things he knew beforehand about the place were the address and that Jack used to work there about ten years ago. When they got there, Al could totally see it as a place Jack, one of the most party-pooper people ever conceived, would work in - pretty small, kinda quiet, with a multi-generational vibe to it. Not clearly for twenty-somethings, not clearly for forty-somethings. Once the hour got later, it would probably turn into more of a nightclub, but at eight, it was sorta quiet and unassuming, a bit more classy than your usual drinking bar. You could actually talk without even raising your voice to a shout. Two smaller dance floor instead of one big, more booths than tables, they gave a little more privacy. Al had noticed that these types of places were what Vanya preferred – the more crowded and loud it got, the antsier Vanya became. He would try to create more and more space between himself and strangers the more people poured in, pretending the crowd didn’t bother him, until finally he broke and started openly glaring at anyone closer than arm’s length and constantly checking the time. Al on the other hand lived for crowds, he loved nothing more than the pulse of a full dancefloor, enjoyed talking and dancing with strangers and loud music. He still went to straight-up nightclubs on the weekends he wasn’t with Vanya, but on dates he wanted them both to have as much fun as possible. Al liked the quieter places alright, as long as he had someone interesting to pass the time with.

They both got a beer at the counter – Al insisted Vanya try it out, because it was his favorite brand. Vanya wasn’t a beer person, but gave it a try for Al’s sake. He liked it enough to not pass it onto Al after the first sip. Though Vanya was hardly the type to not finish a drink even if he hated it - if it was in front of him, he would drink it. “Good, ain’t it?” “It isn’t the worst beer I’ve tried”, Vanya amended. That basically meant it was the best damn beer he’d ever tasted, despite what the sour face might indicate. “Told ya it’s the best! Now, tell me about your day. Nab any criminals lately?” “We’re no closer to finding a viable suspect. At this point I don’t know that much more than you do.” “Gimme some ‘a dat juicy confidential info! I’ll make it up to you later”, Al winked. Vanya wasn’t convinced, and refused any further talk about work. But Al was determined to hear more, so he kept buying his lover more beers, who was helpless to refuse them, while making sure to stay sober himself. About an hour and three beers later, Vanya finally started opening up a bit more about the case. “Everyone’s frustrated, there’s no evidence and no clues. The man’s smart, you have to admit”, he said with a weirdly appreciative tone. Creepy. He needed a reminder of what kind of smart man BK was. “Too bad he uses those smart for something evil. Can you even imagine what a shitty person he is? He doesn’t just murder, he tortures.” “You’re not the first to say that”, Vanya answered flippantly. Every now and then Al got the feeling Vanya didn’t really care all that much about the victims – he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but there was something about the way Vanya spoke about them, it kind of felt a little disrespectful, maybe? That he forgot what they had gone through and that they were dead, with heart-broken families left behind? Mattie would have known exactly what was off, but they didn’t talk with each other – they knew of each other, of course, Mattie had been the first to know about Vanya and Al’s one month anniversary, and siblings tend to come up in conversation. “Everyone needs a hobby, I suppose”, Vanya finished, shrugging, like he was talking about graffiti artists. This was what Al meant by disrespectful – like he wasn’t talking about torture and murder. “Murdering people is a shit hobby. He should take up boxing or something if he really needs to punch something.”, Al sneered, upset and somewhat regretting bringing up the subject. His reactions to the fates of the poor victims were profoundly different from Vanya’s, and reminded him that there was something undeniably wrong with Vanya’s brain. “That would only make him more dangerous. So far all the victims have been weak, you wouldn’t want him taking down MMA fighters. Or firefighters”, Vanya countered. “But wasn’t that one guy like six foot two?” Vanya thought for only a moment before figuring out who exactly Al was talking about. “Turner, 6 feet, 130 pounds, dancer. Looked taller because he was so thin. Didn’t know the first thing about self-defense.” The conversation started feeling like one of those who would win, Batman or Superman arguments. Was it just Vanya’s illness, or did all homicide detectives become like this? What about pathologists? If Al some day got into the academy, would he in time become as nonchalant about rape, death and torture? He liked to think no, his compassion was more deep-rooted than that – but Vanya was a bleeding heart deep under all that pretend indifference, had he at one point been like Al? Could he with utmost certainty say that he would never look at a body and not feel sad? “And the last victim was the twinkiest twink you’ve ever seen.” “Poor boy”, Al said and felt his heart squeeze. He was sure he would never talk like that about someone who had been strangled and beaten for hours, until no healthy skin was left anywhere, then castrated and cut open while still alive, no matter how many years he worked for homicide. “I think you would’ve liked him”, Vanya mused. “How the hell would you know?” You didn’t even give enough of a shit to call him young and thin instead of twink, how would you know what kind of a person he was. Vanya looked taken aback, and apparently only then realized he wasn’t completely sober. How he had gotten drunk enough to not know what he was saying was anyone’s guess, since it always took a good five shots of hard liquor to get him tipsy. All Al knew was that he had learned to read the signs pretty well - more relaxed speech, more open posture, more absent-minded smiling. Vanya never started slurring or stumbling, he just became happier. Al wished that could be his natural state. Maybe with time, and some tender, loving care. “Sorry, I should not talk about cases with civilians.” “’S okay, ‘s just me. So how’d you know I’d like him?” Vanya wasn’t completely swayed by the argument, but he was terrible at saying no to Al. “He had many friends. Very social, everyone said he had a taste for adventure and was always up for trying something new. He was well-known in the gay community.” “Wait, he was actually gay? I thought you called him twink just to insult him.” “I said I should not talk about the case with civilians. Read the papers and you will know everything you are allowed to. I do not trust myself to keep confidentiality right now.” The weirdest thing about Vanya’s drunkenness was that he could tone it down at will. If he wanted to sober up, he would. He had displayed the ability a couple times before, but never this clearly. It was like alcohol had never entered the man’s system – gone were the casualness and smiles. “You’re such a tease!” Al complained, because he was really getting curious again, despite Vanya’s callous words about the victims. “Only for you, my darling podsolnukh”, Vanya smiled, but the playful words were so clearly calculated to steer Al’s thoughts elsewhere it wasn’t even funny. “Don’t try to sweet-talk your way out of this, mister. I’ll kiss you.” Vanya was super shy in public. Even though he had gotten more cuddly in private, PDAs were a great way to punish him. “You leave me no choice, being so cunning as to get me drunk to unveil my secrets.” “That’s it, you’re getting smooched right now!” Vanya did his best to push Al out of reach, but Al was the stronger of them and managed to smack him twice on the cheek. “You are making everyone uncomfortable”, Vanya muttered after Al finally left him alone. “You’re the one making a scene out of it! No one would have noticed a thing if you hadn’t been squealing like a pig!” “I was not, and you should take other people in to consideration before pulling these stunts!” “Oh yeah?” Al said, and Vanya blanched at whatever horror he imagined Al would do next. Al allowed himself a victorious smirk before forming a wicked plan. He got up to stand on the seat. “HEY! EVERYONE!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, and only a couple heads turned. “Stop that! Get down!” Vanya screamed. “THIS GUY IS MY HUNNY BUN – urk!” Vanya pulled Al down by his collar and dragged him out, so red in the face he could’ve been mistaken for Clifford. He was so embarrassed Al had no doubt he would’ve walked home without his coat if Al hadn’t complained about being cold. And even then he refused to enter the bar again, staying outside while Al went to finish Vanya’s last beer and grab their clothes. He was so embarrassed that Al felt a real need to apologize – apparently only Vanya could induce this feeling in him, the only other time he had felt the same need was after causing that panic attack. Vanya accepted it, but not without a long string of Russian expletives – because let’s be honest, they couldn’t be anything else. Then he said he would turn Al’s thermostat all the way down as revenge. Al had expected he would want to stay at his own place after a shock like that, but didn’t question the decision. After all, Al’s home was a mile closer, and there was no way he was walking any further in the wet snow. The streets were mostly empty, but a little past halfway Al spotted a couple making out at a bus stop. He felt a bit jealous, a lot of his past exes had been wary of displaying their sexuality out in public - understandably, sure, since so many of them lived in the south. But even Vanya, who had never shown a single sign of being anywhere near the closet, hated showing affection in public. Al on the other was a very tactile person. He loved holding hands, hugging and kissing. Vanya rarely took the first step, even in private, but followed Al’s lead easily, and lately had started initiating more often. Al liked to think it wasn’t just because Vanya wanted to appease him. Al pointed out the couple to Vanya, who made a face. “Oh c’mon, it’s cute! They’re not afraid to show their love! Unlike some people”, Al teased, and Vanya got a little mad about being reminded of the bar incident. “Lust, more like”, Vanya scoffed loudly. “It’s just not appropriate. They should be more considerate of other people.” “No one’s died of seeing a little affection, babe”, Al argued. “No one’s died of public urination, and yet I don’t see you advocating for that.” “C’mooooooon, just a lil kiss? I really wanna kiss you. That straight couple inspired me.” “No. And you shouldn’t fetishize an orientation.” “I wasn’t fetishizin’ no orientation, I just saw them doing somethin’ I wanna do. How ‘bout just a teeny tiny peck?” “No.” “First you’re a tease and then you’re a bore. Boo.” Vanya chuckled at that, and then took one gloved hand out his pocket. “We can hold hands, if it makes you happy. I don’t mind.” Al took the hand with a giddy smile and squeezed it gently. Vanya’s sweetness shone through these little gestures, and said so much more than his words did. Why couldn’t Al have met him years ago? Woulda spared him a lot of heartache.

[bishreview]

Top 50 Singles of 2017

My final article of 2017! There have been a lot of good music this year. Trying to cut down to 50 songs was a hard task, having over 70 songs by different artists before cutting them down. This means I’ve missed a lot of songs that I really wanted to add. I have finally got it down to 50 though and I have made a Spotify playlist which I will link to this if you want to check out the tracks that made it. I’ll only list from 50-21 (like I did last year) but will talk about the top 20 tracks. For statistics, I have one Canadian, four from the UK, eight from the states and a whopping 37 from Australia.

50. Never Let Me Go - Green Buzzard (AUS)

49. 911/Call Me - Tyler the Creator ft. Frank Ocean and Steve Lacy (US)

48. call the police - LCD Soundsystem (US)

47. Birthdays - The Smith Street Band (AUS)

46. Yanada - The Preatures (AUS)

45. Love Can Be. . . - Vince Staples ft. Ray J, Kilo Kish and Damon Albarn (US)

44. Pure Luck - Ninajirachi ft. Freya Staer (AUS)

43. Crushing Hard - Urthboy (AUS)

42. Murder to the Mind - Tash Sultana (AUS)

41. Dawning - DMAs (AUS)

40. Diamonds - A$AP Twelvyy ft. A$AP Rocky (US)

39. Second Hand Car - Kim Churchill (AUS)

38. Golden - Kingswood (AUS)

37. The Remedy - Polaris (AUS)

36. P Plates - Ruby Fields (AUS)

35. These Kicks - Citizen Kay ft. Georgia B. (AUS)

34. Shred for Summer - DZ Deathrays (AUS)

33. Feel It Still - Portugal. The Man (US)

32. Science Fiction - The Belligerents (AUS)

31. Cigarette - Ali Barter (AUS)

30. Got On My Skateboard - Skeggs (AUS)

29. I Haven’t Been Taking Care of Myself - Alex Lahey (AUS)

28. Andromeda - Gorillaz ft. DRAM (UK)

27. Man You Want Me To Be - WHARVES (AUS)

26. Afterthought - Dear Seattle (AUS)

25. True Lovers - Holy Holy (AUS)

24. Homely Feeling - Hockey Dad (AUS)

23. Low Blows - Meg Mac (AUS)

22. One More Love Song - Mac DeMarco (CAN)

21. The Evil Has Landed - Queens of the Stone Age (US)

20. Not Worth Hiding - Alex the Astronaut (AUS)

Alex the Astronaut has had a huge year. She released her debut album and has seen a growing fanbase to make her one of Australia’s most popular solo female artists. Her lead single Not Worth Hiding is a gorgeous song, reflecting her humble, gentle, kind attitude whilst having a relevant political point about accepting LGBTI communities

19. Night of the Long Knives - Everything Everything (UK)

Night of the Long Knives is a huge song. From the first time the chorus drops, it brings you into a darker, experimental world, shaping what is to come on most of their album A Fever Dream. Jonathan Higgen’s voice is again flexed, his falsetto being a brilliant feature in the verses.

18. Deadcrush - Alt-J (UK)

There are many highlights on Relaxer and I had a hard time picking between this, In Cold Blood¸ and Adeline. Deadcrush has become my favourite off the album though, the weird vocal in the chorus and thumping bass heavy beat making it both an intriguing listen and a danceable track.

17. Destiny’s - Arno Faraji (AUS)

Triple J’s Unearthed High winner, Arno Faraji, is the future of Australian Hip Hop. His beats are mellow, and his rapping style laid back, having a heavy influence on US rappers like Chance the Rapper and GoldLink. Definitely an artist to watch for the future, with Destiny’s being his best song so far

16. Dumb Days - Tired Lion (AUS)

Tired Lion’s debut album this year was a good listen. The title track though blows the rest of the album away. With a strong theme of growing up and missing the feeling of being younger, Sophie Hopes belts out the Smashing Pumpkins like track, with the outro chorus hitting right into the feels.

15. Friends - Kwame (AUS)

One of my best discoveries of the year was Sydney rapper Kwame. His EP Lesson Learned was a great listen from start to finish. Friends is a highlight from the EP, with a beautiful piano motif throughout, reminiscent of artists like Kanye. Another Australian rapper who will hopefully shape the future of the genre.

14. Fuck Off - Pist Idiots (AUS)

Another Triple J Unearthed find, Pist Idiots are a great punk band. On Fuck Off they don’t hold back, detailing a broken relationship where the partner doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. The brutality of the lyrics combined with the distorted, messy instrumentation is brilliant, conveying a feel of desperation in the music.                 

13. Be About You - Winston Surfshirt (AUS)

From one of the year’s angriest tracks to one of the year’s sexiest tracks, Be About You is a smooth song. With Winston’s intimate delivery in both the rap verses and the falsetto chorus, it builds like an Anderson Paak or Justin Timberlake song. Definitely the most intimate song of the year.

12. Chateau - Angus and Julia Stone (AUS)

Brother and sister duo Angus and Julia Stone returned from a long hiatus this year with their album Snow. The highlight from this album was Chateau, their biggest song since 2010’s Big Jet Plane. With gorgeous production, beautiful harmonies and a relaxed vibe, their switch to a more pop direction was a good choice, producing one of their best songs yet.

11. Run for Cover - The Killers (US)

Just missing out on my top 10 was the comeback from Las Vegas rockers, The Killers. Although lead single The Man was good, I felt Run for Cover highlighted their sound better, being a strong rock song reminiscent of past hits such as When You Were Young and Read My Mind. The quartet came back into mainstream attention this year in a big way, and Run for Cover was the track that proved it.

10. Feel the Way I Do - The Jungle Giants (AUS)

If someone told me that Jungle Giants would be releasing fresh tunas like this I’d be shocked and appalled. But here we are. From the opening keyboard motif to the singalong choruses, this has everything a perfect indie pop song needs.

9. Humble - Kendrick Lamar (US)

Humble is the biggest track of the year. It will probably win the Hottest 100 (deservedly) and will continue to dominate most dancefloors around the world. It’s mix of a catchy hook, a strong beat and Kung Fu Kenny’s signature rapping style is brilliant and it’s obvious why this song has become such a megahit.

8. Nuclear Fusion - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard (AUS)

Out the 50-something songs that King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard have released this year, the early release Nuclear Fusion still stands tall as the best. Their exploration of microtonal tunings and riffs are at their best in this song, as they utilise microtones to create a catchy yet dissonant melodies, catching the listener off guard. The “nuclear fusion” voice is a winner as well.

7. You’re in Love with a Psycho - Kasabian (UK)

Writing a perfect pop rock song is pretty hard. It’s a risky move, balancing catchy hooks with enough experimentation to remain interesting. You’re in Love With a Psycho is one of those songs which master it though. A song which is impossible to remove from your brain once you listen to it, it’s a completely fun, silly song which you can’t stop playing on repeat. With lines like “you’re like the taste of macaroni on a seafood stick”, Kasabian might have written the most fun pop song of the year.

6. The Comedown - Ocean Alley (AUS)

Like The Jungle Giants, I wasn’t too big on Ocean Alley a couple of years back. They’ve completely converted me though with The Comedown. With crisp piano, a smooth baseline, some beautiful guitar effects and the amazing voice of Baden Donegal, Ocean Alley have filled up the hole that Sticky Fingers left behind.

5. Marryuna - Baker Boy ft. Yirrmal (AUS)

I don’t think I’ve ever heard a tradition Indigenous language rapped before, but Baker Boy’s unique style of mixing his Indigenous tongue with English is genius. He switches between languages with ease, whilst creating catchy hooks which will get you singing along, even if you don’t really know what the words mean (highly recommend looking them up though). Baker Boy is a huge talent for the next generation and hopefully we hear more Indigenous hip hop following his success.

4. Boys will be Boys - Stella Donnelly (AUS)

This song is a tough listen, and even harder to write about. Stella Donnelly’s song detailing the experience of her friend’s experience after being raped, including the victim blaming by friends and family of the rapist, is hard to hear, especially when it’s described in such an honest and detailed manner. It’s a song that needs to be written though, with it’s message as relevant as ever with protests like the ‘#metoo’ campaign bringing light to rape culture and victim blaming/shaming. It’s a beautiful song as well, with Donnelly’s voice perfectly blending with the gorgeous guitar accompaniment.

3. Exactly How You Are - Ball Park Music (AUS)

Ball Park Music were relatively quiet for most of 2017, but they released two great indie tunes in the second half, the best being Exactly How You Are. A gorgeous love song which is as beautiful as it is simple sounds like an early Beatles or Beach Boys song, as Jen and Sam’s voices harmonise perfectly together in the chorus. Be prepared for an album by the band in 2018, with second single The Perfect Life Does Not Exist also being a great song

2. Watch Me Ready You - Odette (Aus)

Some songs take a couple of listens to really sink in, but some hit you immediately. Watch Me Read You fits in that second category. I remember my first experience with this song, straight away being entranced by the lyrical work on display. Odette’s delivery is both beautiful and sinister, with a beat-poetry-like vocal performance in the verses bringing light to the stories within the lyrics. She also shows she can belt out a chorus, with the hook highlighting her impressive vocal range. This is one of those songs which stays with you but continues to surprise when you listen. Hopefully we hear more of this later on in Odette’s career.

1. What Can I Do if the Fire Goes Out - Gang of Youths (AUS)

My number one mid-year still hasn’t changed. Although released early in the year, Gang of Youth’s lead single off their acclaimed album Go Farther in Lightness still hits me hard with every listen. From the ferocious drumming, the beautiful guitar riffs and the powerful voice of David Le’aupepe, WCIDFTFGO is a massive song. With lyrics which question one’s beliefs and faith when things go wrong, it’s a deeply personal but relatable song. It’s quite ironic that this year’s number one is about the loss of faith, whilst last year’s number one (Kanye West’s Ultralight Beam) was celebrating faith. This is a powerful track though, with its highlight being the gorgeous yet intense guitar breakdown just before the final chorus. 2017 was Gang of Youth’s year, with many tracks off their album going close to taking out my number one. This single though still reigns as the strongest track though and will definitely be a Hottest 100 top 20 (and maybe 10) contender, along with other hits like Let Me Down Easy and The Deepest Sighs, The Frankest Shadows.

Well that’s 2017 done. I will definitely be doing a review of Gizzard’s last album of 2017 this week sometime (I promise) and will try to have a look at N.E.R.D’s latest album as well as hopefully seeing films like All the Money in the World and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri and reviewing both of those, as they are highly anticipated films for myself. Have a good New Year and thanks for the support. It’s been hard to keep consistent with this blog this year but next year should be a lot easier and I will try to review both films and music on a weekly basis (might be harder some weeks but we will see). Thanks.

[zachthevagabond]

A Cozy Friday Night

It’s just after nine at night in Europe, and it’s freeze-raining sideways outside. With absolutely no desire to leave my bed, it’s going to be a cozy Friday in –something that I don’t do nearly enough here. Not only will tonight be a reset for my mind and sanity, but my budget as well. Double the positivity you could say. 

“What are your exciting plans for the weekend?”

Absolutely nothing. Nada mucho -rien du tout ! Luxembourg’s early spring was merely a deception from Mother Nature. She’s been bitchy to us this month. It’s been raining here for eight days straight now with gray skies, piss rain, and cold windy air. The only things I have planned for this weekend are catching up on some grading, lesson planning, and some Netflix binging.

Next Week

This upcoming week appears to be pretty low-key. A few of my high school classes are cancelled due to testing, and the university syllabus schedule makes this week appear to be normal, without too much extra stuff going on outside of classes and curriculum meetings. I’m looking forward to attending a teaching seminar on Thursday for the Introduction to the Teaching Career class that I co-teach at the university. There are several Luxembourgish teachers and administrators that will be coming in for a round-table discussion on the multicultural contexts of education in the country. I’m looking forward to them explaining some of the changes that are being made to the national curriculum. My favorite part about these events is the way that presenters and attendees flawlessly move through an average of three to five languages (depending on who’s speaking, what language questions are asked in, etc). Even after seven months, this is something that hasn’t become ‘normal’ for me. 

Sunny June

I’ve been singing, “I’lllllll be homeeeeee for summer” to the tune of “I’ll be home for Christmas” these past two weeks. It’s official -with booked flight and everything. Touchdown in North America is scheduled for 9pm on Wednesday June 19. I landed (punny, right?) a really great deal on a flight out of Lisbon to Toronto, but the baggage fees associated with moving home will certainly defray any savings that I’m hoping for on that. I’m just trying to play the game at this point, bro. There are so many reasons to be happy about June: my family, a great group of friends anxious to see me, and a new job. Last week, I accepted my dream job at a district outside of Rochester NY. Come September, I will be teaching three levels of middle school French. This job came with a little bonus of an annual trip to Québec each spring with my eighth graders. Even better, there are French foreign exchange students that come to the high school in the district, so I hope to have them speaking to my middle schoolers often. Yet another dream come true this year. This whole ‘adulting’ thing is really taking off for me. I’m currently apartment hunting with my best friend in Rochester, and saving my pennies for a new car. Yikes. 

Next stop --> Antwerp, Belgium 

In two weeks, Taylor and I will be traveling to Antwerp for a Fulbright-sponsored event. We’re going on some sort of underground hike with some of the program directors as well as some of the teachers in Belgium. It will be interesting to see some of them and hear about their experiences. The last time we were all together was at the conference in Brussels (which is synonymous in my mind as “the apartment fire weekend” that I continue to try to block out of my memory. Typical Taylor and Zach, we’ve planned to go a day early to explore the city on our own and try to find the best brunch in Belgium. Lisbon still holds the record in both our hearts and stomaches. Can we officially call ourself brunchers, or do you need to be able to afford bottomless mimosas for that status?

Songs for the weekend

It seems like every month of my life is characterized by the songs that I listen to on loop during my train commute. New and rediscovered, check out some of my March jams and let me know if you’re listening to anything you think I’d like.

Murder on the Dancefloor (Sophie Ellis-Bextor)

Tu vas manquer (Kenji Girac)

Your Song (Elton John)

Sexual Vibe –Acoustic (Stephen Puth)

Baby (Clean Bandit, MARINA, Louis Fonsi)

The Sound of Silence (Pentatonix)

Boum boum boum (MIKA)

You Sexy Thing (Hot Chocolate)

Strangers Like Me (Phil Collins)

Un proverbe pour terminer 

I recently found this Tibetan proverb that just pretty much says it all for me: “The secret of living well and longer is: eat half, walk double, laugh triple and love without measure.”

Happy Friday from cozy Luxembourg.   

ZJ

[areswriting]

a x e : xxviii

“I’m mad, too!” I say, shoulders squaring. “God, it’s like you think you’re the only person this is happening to, Elise!”

“I am not— ”

“—Yes, you are!”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say, Abram!” shouts Elise. She runs her fingers through her short, choppy hair and paces in front of me. “I’m not in this alone—I know that. But it’s not like I can just go and talk to you about it. Because every time I’m around you, all I can think about doing is kissing you—and—”

“—We wouldn’t get much talking done,” I say.

She sighs and looks away. “No, we wouldn’t, and I can’t keep kissing you, Abram. It isn’t right. Not when my mother is about to marry your father.”

“You’re just using that as an excuse,” I snap.

“I am not!” she snaps back. “It’s disgusting—you’re about to be my brother, Abram!”

“They’ve been engaged for months,” I say. “We both knew this was coming—and you were fine with it when it was Jason.”

She folds her arms across her chest and gently shakes her head, eyes anywhere but one me. “There are a hundred reasons why I love you, Abram, but there are a hundred more reasons why I shouldn’t, why we don’t get to be together.”

“Name ten,” I say.

She looks at her feet.

“Name five.”

She pulls her arms tighter around herself.

“Name one.”

In a single fluid movement, Elise stands on the tips of her toes and kisses my cheek. “Bonne nuit, Abram,” she whispers, gently moving by me to hold her door open.

▲ △ ▼ ▽

Eva and Emilia scream as they chase each other in circles around the studio.

“Stop running!” hollers Malachi for the fifth time in ten minutes. The twins glance at each other before squealing. Deciding to defy him a fifth time, they veer left without looking and run straight into Cerise.

“Pour l'amour de la merde!” she shouts. She snatches them by their wrists. “Arrêtez! This isn’t how young ladies behave.”

“Christ, Cerise, they’re not made of metal,” says Sienna, prying the girls away from her. “How did Elise survive childhood with you?”

“A well paid nanny,” she replies as she straightens out her too-tight black, lacy, dress. “And then a well-paid boarding school.”

Elise makes herself small, sinking deeper into an armchair and covering her face with last month’s Issue of Vogue, and I watch Cerise’s lips twist into a proud smirk.

“Sometimes I think that woman is Satan,” whispers Gigi as she takes a seat between me and Jason. “Then I remember that she’s got the spite of a God.”

“The ego, too. She thinks everyone should worship her,” I say. “So, we shouldn’t insult Satan like that.”

Gigi pinches my cheek and laughs the type of laugh that lets me know she’s at least three glasses of wine in—and it isn’t even eight in the morning.

“Maybe I should go pray to her for this to be over,” says Jason.

“Could you imagine such a miracle?” Gigi says.

The next three hours are spent under bright, hot lights as the photographer instructs us all on where and how to stand. After the family photographs, Cerise and Malachi pair off for their debut pictures as Mr. and Mrs.

When they finish they announce their departure for business but inform us that we will meet for dinner. Unfortunately, the photoshoot isn’t over, and we’re called one by one to take pictures, then called up in pairs, starting with Gigi and the twins, and ending with Elise and me.

“The vibe I’m getting from you two—playful,” the photographer says. “Elise, jump onto Abram’s back.”

“What—no. Absolutely not,” she protests.

As she goes to cross her arms, I grab her up and throw her over my shoulder—much like I had last night.

“Abram!” shouts Elise. “Put me down, now!”

“But he wants playful,” I say, digging my fingers into her side.

She snorts out a laugh and thrashes against me until I finally let her feet touch the floor.

“The audacity you have to think you can just pick me up whenever you want.” She tries to sound serious but fails by laughing.

“The audacity you have as someone who is barely five-feet tall, to think you can stop me,” I say, reaching for her again.

“I am five-foot-four, thank you very much!” she says, fighting to keep her feet planted on the floor. “And I could stop you if I really wanted to.”

I sweep her into my arms until I’m cradling her and she wraps her arms around my neck.

“Mais vous n'êtes pas,” I say.

“Non, je ne suis pas,” she says, her thumb trailing along my jawbone.

“Vous appartenez ici, dans mes bras, Elise,” I say quietly. “Parce que tu m'aimes et je t'aime.”

“Abr—”

I silence her with a kiss, caught by the flash of a camera.  

▲ △ ▼ ▽

@Dyer: Elise don’t you think running away was a little dramatic?

@lislaire: dRAMTIC?!

@lislaire: me??

@lislaire: you kissed me in front of our entire family, Abram!

@lislaire: don’t you think THAT was dramatic?!

@lislaire: Cerise is going to murder me if that picture ever sees the light of day.

@dyer: it was an accident! I couldn’t control myself. I’m sorry ok? And no one is going to see it, Gigi made sure of that.

@lislaire: I’ve already told you, we can’t keep doing this.

@dyer: fine. I won’t kiss you anymore.

@lislaire: good!

@dyer: great!!!

@lislaire: perfect!!!!!!!!

Just as the screen goes black, it lights up with an Instagram notification.

@sylviaa: Hey…

@dyer: omfg now is not the time.

@sylviaa: what’s wrong?

@dyer: do I need to block you on here, too?

@sylviaa: I’m honestly surprised you haven’t, with you and that Elise girl being so…chummy.

@sylviaa: I just wanted to see how you were. Guess not so good?

@dyer: please go write a poem or something and leave me alone.

@sylviaa: I just added a new one.

I saw myself more Enyo than Atlas because

I know I was built for destruction.

but godhood does not ask permission

And his delicate heart is a complication.

be Atlas—if for no one else—be Atlas for him.

My hands tremble. Not from the weight, but from the wanting.

I asked my mother how a god can hold something so fragile without breaking it.

and my mother bared her teeth at me and snarled:

you are a god. Obliteration is your birth right.

▲ △ ▼ ▽

Jason and Sienna carry Eva and Emilia on their shoulders while Gigi and I walk several paces behind them.

“Abram, I know you’re still quite upset with me over the article,” says Gigi with a sigh. “I can’t apologize enough.”

“I just need time, Gigi,” I say. “I’d really rather not talk about it.”

She’s quiet for a moment, the six of us joining at the corner of a street waiting to cross it.

“Is there anything you do want to talk about?” she asks once the light turns green and we start walking again.

I shake my head. “No, not really.”

“Not even the college scouts?”

I smile weakly. “Both of those schools have amazing hockey programs, but I always had my heart set on going to UCLA, and neither of them had connections to any programs on the west coast.”

“Well, you’re only a junior,” she says. “There’s plenty of time left to figure that part out.”

“There’s not, though,” I say. “Switching to Middlebury so late messed up my stats. I would have had more opportunities had I stayed in Boston.”

“Do you want to go back there?” she asks.

I laugh dryly. “That’s sorta mean to ask, Grandma.”

“Oh darling, the language,” laughs Gigi. “And it was a serious question. Would you want to go back if you could?”

I look down at her and shrug. “Next subject?”

“Do you think Elise will be joining us for dinner?” she asks.

I throw my head back and groan. “You’re just going down the list of stuff I don’t want to talk about.”

“I’m sorry, dear,” she says. “I’m having a hard time with you being so distant.”

The doorman at the Plaza greets us with a smile and as we walk inside, I pull my beanie off of my head and shrug out of my jacket. Eva and Emilia walk on their own two feet now, and Jason and Sienna continue whispering back and forth.

As fate would have it, my place at the table is between Malachi and Jason—and directly across from Elise, who doesn’t look at me.

“Where have you guys been?” says Malachi. “You’re late.”

“We were at the MET, dear,” says Gigi.

“What a shame we missed it,” says Cerise, her tone saying she’s glad she did.

I distract myself with a menu, and then with food, and successfully ignore all of the wedding talk through four courses. Somewhere along the way, Malachi and Cerise disappeared from the table, and Eva and Emilia fell asleep on their chairs.

“Wanna take them upstairs?” Jason asks Sienna, who finishes off her drink before nodding and standing.

“And then there were three,” says Gigi as the four of them shuffle away from the table.

“I think I’m going to—”

Gigi’s loud gasp stops me mid-sentence and she immediately stands.

“Gigi!” a tall blonde girl says as she wraps her arms around my grandmother. “I didn’t know you were in town!”

“Oh, I was trying to keep a low profile for my son’s wedding,” Gigi says as she pulls away. “Please, do sit with us.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude,” she says. “I was actually hoping to get a dance in before—” Her words fall short as her eyes land on me.

“How terribly rude of me,” says Gigi. “Colette, this is my grandson, Abram and my soon-to-be granddaughter, Elise.”

“Oh,” says Colette, her cheeks turning pink. “Congratulations.”

Elise and I look at each other, but neither of us speak.

“Oh, they’re not engaged,” says Gigi smiling as she looks at Elise. “Her mother is marrying my son. Isn’t that right, darling?”

Elise only nods in response.

“Abram—do you dance?” asks Colette.

“Of course he does,” Gigi answers for me. “Especially with pretty young women.”

I’m forced out of my seat and onto the dancefloor just as a slow song starts to play over the speakers.

[oscillatorium-blog]

Forgotten Mountain 2: Lineup

Oscillatorium Seattle *with support from Techno-Logik!* is super excited to present the 2nd edition of our summer renegade; Forgotten Mountain! This year we are going to be going with an Alien/ET/Contact theme and hope that everyone will be down to join us in a collective experience that could be truly enlightening! FREE EVENT! 2 stages! 3 days of music and camping! Family friendly!! Remote location close to Oregon! Secluded, beautiful site! More info to come! Artists and performers include!!.... Just Jay Bass Therapy / FW Events Just Jay is exactly how it reads. Jay Wellz whom is 1/2 of the duo SoSleepyy enjoying DJing many genre's of music and started this project simply to share his passion for music with as many people as possible. When you think of a X's "detox" set, expect similar vibes from a Just Jay set, as he is just a man playing music he loves with no direction in mind. https://www.instagram.com/sosleepyymusic https://soundcloud.com/sosleepyy It Me Bass Therapy / FW Events Hybrid Bass / Experimental Trap / Future Bass / Dubstep / Hip Hop Seattle-based Electronic Music dj/producer and co-owner/Founder of FW Events. FW Events https://soundcloud.com/ibeitme Rob Noble DEEP N BΔSS / manifest PDX Dnb / Bass *Bio to come!* http://facebook.com/robnoble206 http://www.mixcloud.com/Robnoble/ https://soundcloud.com/deepnbassseattle https://www.instagram.com/robnoble Hherb WAVES / Field Trip / Q Night Club Downtempo / breaks / house smol plant lover making music to make you feel things. "hherb" is a plant based producer and dj . she creates original compositions with a combination of organic instrumental sounds, electronic textures, and her own vocals/lyrics. as a dj she has spent the last year growing into the seattle scene, supporting artists such as The Glitch Mob, ZHU, Kidnap, Sorrow, and Will Clarke. currently a resident at Q nightclub for Field Trip and a creative collaborator with WAVES, her love and passion for music is evident in each of her sets. Tha DiGiTAL DRAGON Techno-Logik / Ocean Grooves / Fraktured Wes Nesman, THA DiGiTAL DRAGON started in 1999 as a rave emcee and later dj in Detroit, growing to become a prominent electronic performance artist residing in Seattle WA. He can scratch, flow and mix, analog or digital, taking every element of electronic power and soul to emulate the sound of a Digital Dragon. Though very much at home in drum & bass, Wes is known to transcend genre boundaries creating completely custom transitions into house, breaks, electro and dubstep. Reflecting on over 20 years of experience in electronic music, culture and history, Tha Digital Dragon carries his audience on a completely unique sonic adventure to explore a soundscape of timeless electronic dance music. soundcloud.com/THADiGiTALDRAGON mixcloud.com/DiGiTALDRAGON mixcloud.com/TLSessions http://tlsessions.blogspot.com https://www.facebook.com/TechnoLogikMusic/ PAUL WHEELER Two Nice / Ocean Grooves / Fraktured DNB & Bass Music Born and raised in Tacoma, Paul Wheeler started off playing local house parties, quickly advancing to Seattle clubs and underground events in early 2005. With influences like Sam Binga, Chimpo, Fracture, The Librarian, Dara, AK1200, Mefjus and Rusko, Wheeler mixes a large variety of urban styles. Specializing in Jungle, U.K. Garage, Breakbeats, House, Dancehall and Hip-Hop, Paul has had the honor of performing at events alongside artists such as Dj Dara, Reid Speed, Bailey, Donald Glaude and the Stanton Warriors. His mission is to convey freedom, love and creativity through each performance, sharing with others the experience of being one with creation on the dance floor. Working endlessly to translate his first love of music and dance into an incredible presence, Paul Wheeler brings with him the tools of the soul to manifest joy and clarity of the mind. Step Back, Get Down, and by all means please, Enjoy the Ride! X-Fadid 5H4RK 74NK / Oscillatorium SEA Basshouse / Electro / Dubstep / Trap / UK Hardcore / Drum and Bass / Breaks X-Fadid aka Mikaela renee is a 24 year old Hard Dance/basshouse DJ. her inspiration into starting to DJ was Ian K, X-Fadid started mixing in 2012 and played her first show that same year and ever since has been in love with being behind the scenes in the rave scene. she's always ready to throw down a banging set for the crowd. Don't miss out on her high energy mixes! https://www.mixcloud.com/michael-anthony-vanderhoff/ Https://soundcloud.com/xxx-kross_fadid-xxx Anukai -Oscillatorium SEA Dubstep / DrumStep / NuBeat / Riddim / DnB / Neurofunk / Trap / Hard Electro / Future Bass / Bass House / Breaks / Psytrance Etc. Anukai is a Seattle Local musician and DJ whose love and dedication to music goes back to very early childhood. While definitely raised on rock music and playing the guitar from a very young age, he also learned to play a wide range of other instruments, and eventually discovered the endless possibilies of computer produced music. As a very young teen, he attended his first rave and has since been in love with the Electronic music scene and every aspect of what makes it operate. Anukai has been producing his own dance music since then under many previous monikers. nearly 2 decades later, his knowledge and passion has only grown exponentially. He has been working and operating behind the scenes doing everything from DJing, to sound, to lights and visuals, promotion, event design, etc. His preference in genre has changed over the years, but the goal remains the same...to "Bring the Bass" Anukai soundcloud.com/anukai777 mixcloud.com/andy-deshon osc777.blogspot.com Xerum -Oscillatorium SEA Expirimental 4-on-the-floor style bass music Trapcore / Psycore / Psystyle / speedpsy / ElectroTrash / cross genre *Bio To Come!* DOUBLE SHOT Ocean Grooves / Tacoma Heavy Techno & House DoubleShot, the dynamic Tag Team, Dj Duo of Jimmy and Anthony, began with two best friends who discovered their shared love for dance music, while still in High School. Playing a style of music, that has influenced them for well over a decade and deeply rooted in the Pacific Northwest, DoubleShot has only begun to break the surface. Opening for Donald Glaude in 2017 and playing on the monorail during EDC in Las Vegas and “For the Love of It” at the Artisan in 2018, was only just the start. With their “Ibiza or Bust!” mentality DoubleShot’s journey has no end in sight, spreading a classic love for the music worth far more than just a couple drinks. https://soundcloud.com/doubleshot253 https://www.facebook.com/DoubleShot253/ https://www.mixcloud.com/TLSessions/paul-azizeh-and-wes-nesman-presents-tl-sessions_-episode-51-feat-ajax-and-doubleshot/ SKEEMER Techno-Logik // Ocean Grooves / Tacoma Breaks & Bass If Electronic Music wore armor to protect quality and consistency, that armor would be called SKEEMER. Representing the northwest dance music scene since 2001, Brian has maintained his status as a formidable contender on the electronic DJ circuit alongside local favorites like FLAVE, SOULKID, SiR KUTZ, OMARVELOUS, and DOT DIGGLER. Sharing the decks with international talent such as SIMPLY JEFF, DONALD GLAUDE and FRANKIE BONES, SKEEMER is a well seasoned veteran of the turntable arts. Often journeying through breaks, house, electro and dub, there is no end to Brian’s electronic passion. His unique style and depth transcends genre and generations, guaranteed to invoke a cosmic response from the heart. Never a set to be missed, SKEEMER brings quality bass to every dancefloor, everytime, protecting the legacy of the beats for years to come. Just let the guardian of the groove carry you, through the cosmic funk and into the future, prepare your precious ears for the refined talents of DJ SKEEMER! https://www.mixcloud.com/DJSkeemer https://soundcloud.com/skeemer-1 https://www.facebook.com/BreakbeatJunkieSkeemer?_fb_noscript=1 https://www.mixcloud.com/TLSessions/paul-azizeh-presents-tl-sessions-episode-23-feat-skeemer/ WOODROW Techno-Logik / PDX DNB & Bass Born in the Emerald City of Seattle, the mysterious, bearded juggler of beats known as DJ Woodrow now resides in the Willamette Valley. With roots in the scene dating back to 2001, DJ Woodrow has grown and evolved from a young junglist into an all-around basshead, and purveyor of the funkiest bass music. Woodrow’s style seamlessly blends his very own eclectic personality with the vibes, sounds, vocals, and instrumentals of a wide variety of bass music. https://www.facebook.com/DJWoodrow/ https://www.mixcloud.com/djwoodrow https://www.mixcloud.com/TLSessions/paul-azizeh-presents-tl-sessions-episode-42-feat-woodrow/ Digital BLOOM Ocean Grooves / The Derrrty Boyz Dub / Bass As resident DJ for Ocean Grooves Entertainment and member of The Derrrty Boyz, digital BLOOM is heavily involved in the Tacoma EDM scene. His variety of tastes are apparent through his unique and diverse style. Soft melodies, psychedelic glitches, shifting tempos, and beastly sub frequencies define his sound. soundcloud.com/digitalbloom soundcloud.com/digitalbloom ❀digital BLOOM❀ ♥ dเǥเᖶαʟ ᗷL✿✿ᗰ soundcloud.com digital BLOOM Xenome // Kawaii Murder Machine -Oscillatorium SEA DnB / NeuroFunk / Ultrafunk / Trap / Trapstyle / Gabber / HorrorCore / Deathstep / ElectroTrash / Hard Electro / Bass House / Festival House / Breaks / KawaiiBass / Dubstep / Drumstep / Glitch / Otaku / Chiptunes Etc Xenome (Kayleigh Liddell) Is a Seattle Local artist and DJ who has been involved in the scene for nearly 1 1/2 decades doing everything from DJing and Promoting to Show design, VJ work, Flyer work and Photography. She has a wide range of preferred Genres and sounds, edging on the breaks and expirimental side. https://www.mixcloud.com/Xenohm/ Oscillatorium DJ NO MERCY Techno-Logik / Tacoma Hard Dance & House No Mercy is an energetic and versatile DJ, playing music anywhere from Edm, Club to Hip-Hop. He has been self-taught since 2007. His influences include; his mother, whom was a music major, Wes Nesman The Original Digital Dragon and Joseph Hahn otherwise known as “Mr. Hahn” from Linkin Park. His passion and appreciation for music drives through him since childhood. He was the dj for the Alternative/Hip-Hop Band A King Also And The Royal Court. Dj No Mercy has also opened for great talents such as George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic, Too Short, Above And Beyond, Bone Thugs N Harmony and Bubba Sparxxx. No Mercy’s ambition is to keep the energy of music alive. https://soundcloud.com/djnomercy https://www.facebook.com/DjNoMercyMusic/ https://www.mixcloud.com/TLSessions/paul-azizeh-presents-tl-sessions-episode-47-feat-no-mercy/ NYGHTREAUX Techno-Logik / Seattle DNB & Hardcore After observing some of the Pacific Northwest's DJs up close and personal for a long time, Nyghtreaux knew he had a taste for getting in the mix, but he kept mostly to himself about it. One day, some of those same DJs he hung out with and learned from, started coming to play, DJ’ing day in and day out. Then after a while those same people started encouraging him to play out with them and he’s been DJ’ing ever since. Nitro is known for his hard dance and a drum n bass style that can pack a dance floor. Get ready for some extra speed with NYGHTREAUX! https://soundcloud.com/techno-logik/08-nyghtreaux https://www.mixcloud.com/TLSessions/paul-azizeh-presents-tl-sessions-episode-28-feat-nyghtreaux/ SiDESHOW SQUiD Archie Moses Productions / Tacoma Bass Spawning from Northern Nevada, Richard Hinds (aka) Sideshow Squid, grew up inside of EDM. Influenced by artists like Dj Dragn’fly, G.A.M.M.A. and Dig Dug, Richard quickly developed a passion for the music, wrapping his tentacles around it early on. Playing alongside amazing local talent such as Jimni Cricket, Phydra and Glocks and Techs, SideShow Squid has been climbing up from the abyss, reaching out and onto the dancefloor. Using his special blend of bass house and eight arm genre juggling, Squid keeps his audience stuck to his sound, dragging them deep into the underground. A fresh artist not to be missed, beware the bass of the SiDESHOW SQUiD. https://soundcloud.com/stevenhyde https://www.mixcloud.com/sideshowxsquid DIOGENESIS Techno-Logik / Tacoma Bass House From the streets of Tacoma WA, Dj Diogenesis brings you the underground styles of Bass House, Electro and Melbourne Bounce, guaranteed to keep you jumping all night long. Performing since 2012, Dio has been in love with the electronic scene since he found it in 2008. The journey took him to multiple festivals and raves that eventually lead up to meeting Wes Nesman, THA DiGiTAL DRAGON. Wes took him under his wing in 2011 and pushed Dio to develop his skills to become the DJ he is today, representing Techno-Logik and rocking his unique house bounce to the massive! https://www.mixcloud.com/TLSessions/paul-azizeh-and-wes-nesman-presents-tl-sessions_-episode-50-feat-protocall7-and-diogenesis/ Remnant Co-Owner Of Shattered Emerald Productions J-Core / Happy Hardcore Remnant has been in the Portland/Seattle rave scene since 2005. After this time he decided to found a new production company in Portland called Shattered Emerald Productions. Over the last 3 years he has spent his time creating events and working at raves behind the scenes and behind the decks spinning J-Core/Happy Hardcore to all who will listen. He has also as of 2018 become a resident with HJU (Hardcore Junglist United) based in California. With his super kawaii beats Remnant aims to keep you dancing all night and beyond! ^_^ ♥ Kezaki Heartbeat Silent Sound Systems / Seattle Rave Culture / #LetsRave *More info to come* PvlseReset -Oscillatorium SEA https://soundcloud.com/pulsereset https://www.facebook.com/PVLSERESET/ WitchHaus / Synthwave / Nubeat / deathgarage / Electrotrash / Industrial inspired expirimental *more info to come* Galvanized -Oscillatorium SEA www.soundcloud.com/the-galvanized-DJ Producer and DJ Hardstyle // Progressive house // Future house *more info to come* Djedi Miriji -Oscillatorium SEA https://soundcloud.com/miriji https://www.facebook.com/Djedi-Miriji-289937411120321/ Producer & visual artist Psytrance // Goa // Darkpsy // Psybient // Minimal // Breaks // Electronic *more info to come* Armchair Pirate Sound enineer and DJ -Mercenary Audio // Fuck Yeah Factory // Oscillatorium SEA Hard Electro // DnB // NeuroFunk // HardTrance // Psytrance *more info to come* Anubis -Oscillatorium SEA www.Facebook,com/Oscillatorium Neurofunk // DnB // Dubstep // Drumstep // Hard Electro // Breaks // Psytrance *more info to come* Spoda -Oscillatorium SEA DnB / Neurofunk / Expiramental / Trap *more info to come* DJ Sleezeburg Dub / Trap / DnB / Bass *more info to come* Sound by Mercenary Audio and Techno-Logik Events Lighting by Pulse Events This is a LEAVE NO TRACE EVENT. That means anything you bring in you have to bring out! Food and Water will not be provided! Sunscreen and bugspray are suggested! Please come prepared! The event location will not be released until a set date before the event! The location will be released at !!!! MORE INFO TO COME!!!!